It's been a while since I've last blogged. The previous time that i've blogged, its before school term starts. Now, a term is gone. I have gained tons of knowledge on Fashion Merchandising, Color Theory of Fashion, Textiles and History of Costume...did many projects as well. Wow. I cant believe so many things happen over the past 3 months. 

While everything seems to be moving so fast, some things seems to not have moved at all. Change is the only constant in life, but amazingly, the change in my family seems to be moving really really slowly, as if it is a slow-mo video. The talks and thoughts of things that are supposed to be done, are yet to be done. Procrastination, seems to have fall into place. Now, I'm questioning myself, why am I holding on to the debts of my parents? Why do i have to carry the burden of the mistakes made by adults? Is this the life that I want to live by? It is always easy to get caught up in the past, and forgetting the future that lies ahead. All I wish, is for the one party to say, "You're not to be blame for everything". In fact, I'm not the one at fault from day one. It's so unfair how one mistake, can make the deepest stake in the lives of two. Would they ever say, "I'll never make you pay." Probably, it still remains a fantasy of mine, for one party to say, "I'm sorry". I always wonder, do i really dare to go ahead and love, or do i draw back, thanks to the scenes i've experienced in life? 

The song from "It's My Life! Musical" that I always felt is so close to my situation. As the musical has elements of all of our lives, I guess this is one closer to me. (That man his name i carry is no longer my father.....)

It's raining again

Time to take in the dirty laundry

The basket is heavy

Maybe God is saying this is my load to carry

Its raining again

I'm weary of this constant fury

Breaking up is easy

Was that what you had in mind when I was a baby?

In Your heart you and him can't stand shoulder to shoulder

That man, his name i carry is no longer my father

This roof over my head is no longer my shelter

The one you had loved before is now a stranger

You like to repeat like a broken recorder

There's nothing left to fight over

It's better late than never

Ideal if it's sooner

It's your answer 

To forever

Forever

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Can we actually move on? Or will we remain stagnant for the rest of our lives? Who made me the keeper of my parents debt (not talking about finances here)? Why should he take from us, when he don't even care at all?

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This few days, due to projects and many other stuff that is crushing down on me, I'm kinda stumbled in a way which causes me to question about my choice of the path that I took. But thankfully, i seek advice from wise people  and amazing they told me what to do, give me advice etc and well, I've sorta in a way gain back what i believed for in the past once again. Thanks again to these people and I guess people like my lecturer, Madeline, really gave me such good advice and my sis as well. Boon has also constantly saying that we should go up to the next level. So well, I'm going to take all their advice and really towards it. Everyone has high hopes and expectations for me....I wonder why...do i really have great potential as what ______said?

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I realised that throughout this year, i've gained many experiences, knowledge and more importantly, I felt that I have in a way, grown up. It may felt that I'm kinda thick skin to proclaim that, but amazingly, that is what i feel personally. I start to realize that i should work hard for what i want, rather than stretching out my hand and ask for it, like a beggar when I'm already 20 years old. According to a research by Fortune magazine, it is said that only 4 out of 25 generous rich people gain their wealth through inheritance. The other 21 people worked their way there through giving and hard work. I want to be like the other 21, and not like the other 4. Ultimately, the 4 who gain it out of inheritance, they do not experience things such as poverty, hard work, discipline, courage etc because everything that they needed and want has already been provided for them, therefore, they do not treasure more. I have friends who are in this category, and sometimes, when I look at how pampered their life is, I no longer admire them or hope to have life like that (though i use to in the past). I thank God for where I am today, for when the day comes whereby I reached a stage whereby I'm where I wanna be, I will be able to held my head up high and know that I have work hard for it. In a way, in comparison to these friends of mine, I felt that I'm more "rugged" in a sense. I have been through so much, that if they are to go through the same thing, it will crush them real bad, like how one said to me the other day. 

List of things I wanna/try to do for myself:

1. Pay for my school fees. Im left with like $25,000 plus to pay. Hopefully, I can contribute some amount to pay for my own fees. (not going to take it for granted and be spoon-fed)
2. Pay for my own driving license, test, lessons etc. (this is for my own benefit. If I want it, I'm going to go get it myself. If even this I have to ask my mum to pay, I seriously think I'm kinda like a 'failure'. Coz working to get something you want is better than reaching out your hands to get it, so Im going to work hard for it, get my own car [FERRARI! THE WOMAN WITH THE FERRARI IN SCHOOL SAID THAT I COULD GET IT IF I WORK AS HARD AS HER. AND SHE IS YOUNG! ]

There are many more things that I wrote here...but i decided to erase it off so that I would have some privacy. Haha...

Mum just came back from Thailand. Now she is telling me my aunt is paying for her tickets to China. AGAIN! My other aunt paid her tickets for Thailand. I guess when she come back from China she will fly again. Haiz. Everyone around me is flying. Im flying as well....In my results. 

PRAISE BE UNTO GOD! Full marks for my exams. Full marks for assignments. Full marks for presentation so far for my Fashion Merchandising. Whee! Hopefully, next term would be bettter...

Signing off.....blogged at 3am again.