Haven't blogged for a while now. Many things have happened, many things accomplished. Things to worry, things to fear. Ultimately, I wished, for a piece of mind. Just a thought, on what I truly feel this past few days.

Why Can't You Let Me Go? For once, I thought I'm emancipated

For once, I felt strong, I felt safe

For once, I felt that I could make it,

Without you by my side eyeing over me.

I wanna stay this way till the end of time,

But this is all a dream, when I saw you spying over us The other day.

Feeling of being cursed

Feeling of giving up

Probably I should

My future is going to be a history

O, won't you let me go? Now I'm shaking with fear I'm frighten,

but what for? Who made me a keeper

Of the mistakes that you have done

Now my heart is filled with miseries

Filled with the stains of yesterday

Why are we made to pay For the debt that you have made

It's so unfair

How your mistakes became ours

Now I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh every day Because of you

I cant be myself again

I was so young

You put me to shame

And now, 21 years of my life

I'm still crying for the same damn thing

On the day I was about to give up

I couldn't take it anymore

Then He came, and said to me,

"My child, don't give up. It's not over. Don't let anyone pull you down. Keeping fighting on."

Dreams

Sometimes i wonder about my dreams...

I always ask God why dreams and all....

And recently, people has been telling me all kinds of dreams, i watched an episode of a new series, it is about dreams from God.

oh wow.

Dreams are a type of prophecy.

oh wow.

am tired to blog further, thought of blogging more about it, but am just so tired.

Till next time, signing off.

Random thoughts

• Didn't realise the little cut on my neck. I dream of that cut, thought it was just a dream, until Rachel told me about the cut. Scary, but thank God it is healing.
• I'm going to sit back and watch the drama. Should i laugh or should i be serious?
• All the modules are pretty alright so far. Love garment and composition the most, finally get to draw! It's not an easy module though.
• Time poverty: The people around me, are starting to realise what i meant by time poverty whenever i said i'm experiencing it. They started to understand the importance of time, and really amazingly, those whom i thought turn a deaf ear on me when i advise them to spend their time wisely actually do listen! They start to be conscious of what they are doing and spend time doing meaningful stuff! Wow. Time for me to stay focus as well.
• Disposable relationship: Disposable relationship is a term used to describe relationships that is more of like a "quick-fix" type of relationship that can be updated as fast as a facebook profile update. This happens because when a relationship isn't working, people are always happy to throw the relationship aside as mending the relationship requires work and we are just all busy people. We are all just disappointed when after trying our best to advice our dear friend about her relationship, she refused to listen and then jump back into the relationship and dump all of us friends. Now that she is saying good-bye to that relationship, she comes back to us again, hoping we will all welcome her back with open arms. Wow. A very simple and yet meaningful examples of disposable relationship. We should never treat every relationship of ours in that manner.
• Trends: I think plaids and tartans are coming back. So do stock up. Haha...but if i'm wrong, then im sorry. Coz im trying to develop my skills in this and i haven't go through the module of styles and trends! Haha...
• RIP the art of conversation?
• I realised that living in a babylonian culture is not easy. Right now, for me it is not about surviving, it is about influencing. God, teach me how to stay focus. Teach me how else i can serve you in where i am.

Alright. Good-bye. Many things to say, but my hands are tired of typing! (amazingly, mum gave me extra money for allowance today! Hooray!)

Life

In 2005/2006, I always felt that my days are numbered.

NOW, IM FEELING THE SAME WAY TOO. MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED? OH NO.

Randomness that matters

Haven't blogged for weeks. Or should i say...more than a month. STOP bugging me to update. So irritating you know.

This blog post is going to be random. Everything gel up in one post.

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Finished all my modules for the term. Learnt a lot of lessons from it. Learnt to be wise, confident etc.

So glad HRM is over. Can't stand that module coz i don't like Human Resource Management.

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found people who supports my vision and dreams. So for those 'unbelievers' of my dream, i can't blame you, nor be mad at you. But what i can say is....I know one day you will see the big picture of what im going to create.

"Creation is always the union of both talent and suffering"

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I found out the reason why i love fashion. Fashion is complex and yet it is open. It is not judgmental but it is full of critics to help bring it to a whole new level. Loving fashion for what it is. A way to help me express myself without holding back.

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Dreams. I love to see things. But sometimes i would rather not dream. Have been speaking to some people about my dreams and i think most of them don't believe. But it doesn't matter to me anymore. I used to think that it matters. But now i have a renewed mindset about it.

"What you are seeing is just bits and pieces of the future that is about to come".

So, it doesn't matter anyway if who i dreamt of know about it.

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I realised the importance of time. We are living in a time-poverty world right now. In order to carry on this fight of faith, a christian has got to know that we are running out of time. Don't spend time on unnecessary things that will waste your time/life away. Keep focusing on the goal of your race. For that is what you will get if you don't lose heart.

There is no shortcuts in this. BUT there is always the presence of distraction. Sometimes, distraction will come and it's up to you to decide to stay focus. Once we get distracted, it means there is lesser time to work for the kingdom of God.

Probably you may think that that means there is no time for personal stuff etc. I dont mean that. Distraction is more of like things that will pull you away from your goal. Rather than drawing you closer in. ALWAYS REMEMBER, THERE IS A SEASON FOR EVERYTHING. IF IT IS NOT THE SEASON FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, DON'T JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON AND GO WHEN YOU THINK IT IS TIME. REMEMBER TO FOLLOW GOD'S TIMETABLE.

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Sometimes, it is easy to get caught with what you are facing now, and not see the future ahead. I think about you, a part of me cries out you. It is not only me who felt that way, but some around too. Whatever came before you, is more than meets the eye. I don't want your future to be history. Arise, my friend. Look at the bigger picture. Hate us for life, we will still feel the same way. You may not know what is coming, and I am not much of a guide. But we are feeling so low right now whenever we see that. Wake up, my friend. You may not treat us as your close friends, but just remember, we really do care for you.

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Accusations is coming my way soon. Im putting on my armor already. What i promise not to say, i won't. It's just that it is getting too obvious, and what you try to make it sounds like you are right, in fact, you are wrong. But it doesn't matter, trials and tribulations i have been through. It is just a stage that i have to go through again i guess. But i think it's going to be a waste of my time. Coz it's not me. Seriously. Go bark the right tree, see within yourself. Look at the actions you take. Probably you will realise what you are doing now, is like....self-invited "persecutions" or "judgements". You don't want it, but yet you make it so obvious. Oh man. Help. God. Help.

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There are million maps in my head. Too many. So i really need a compass and a bag of rocks.

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I always like to analyze people's words one sentence at a time if it means something. I felt that the sort of persuasion, i'm sorry, i don't buy it. Just to let you know, i don't like to cover up for you.

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They are not ready yet. Help.

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When are they coming back? Am missing them...

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My birthday is coming soon!

I want:

• A balmian jacket
• A leather jacket
• New pair of jeans
• Ed hardy
• Accessories
• Bag- big enough to put laptop, notebook etc. Must be stylish looking.
• Wardrobe change
• Metronome
• Money
• Tickets to watch Lady GaGa
• Borders vouchers, Kinokuniya vouchers. BASHEER vouchers
• Wallet
• Shoes

Wow...the list goes on and on.

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Ok. Signing off.

P.S If you think that I'm talking about you, maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong. Discern for yourself, use your 6th senses if you believe in 6th sense haha!

To all my beloved

TO THOSE WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO MY SCHOOL FEES, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU GUYS, 

I WANNA DO YOU GUYS PROUD.

ESPECIALLY SO....

TO MY MUM. 

I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET THOSE HANDS THAT FEED ME.

ESPECIALLY TO GOD. WHO CONSTANTLY PROVIDES. 

But today, i felt so disappointed with myself. I will try harder next time. 

The other day, my sister told me that she saw my father on her way home. Today, i overheard her telling my mum that he passed by my sister. I was wondering to myself....what is the main cause of all of this? What makes my family what it is today? 

These few days, I thought about many things. I realised that it's not that i'm missing my father or anything...it's just that...I find the entire situation very pitiful. It's like...what if...what if....

I know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, i wonder why. I wonder why God places in so many situations that it seems to have surpass the number of ordeals an adult might have gone through in comparison to age. [this is because i was taken aback when an adult told me so]. I wonder why God places in the family I am in. I wonder why I am who I am today. I wonder why I always have to fight for what I believe in, what I want in life. 

BUT GOD says...."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11. 

Everything happens for a reason. I know that I can trust in God...for my God reigns.