Abigail's Persuasion

Love

2010-08-03T02:57:00.000-07:00

Love

I used to think,

"It's so unfair how mistakes of others,

Created the deepest scars in life"

As time passes by,

That thought evolved into hatred

Till it seems so hard to let it go.

Then came a one fine day,

I met Him who gave us all,

Who showed me what is love.

He asked me to let it go,

And said that the debt is

Not mine but His to pay.

He told me not to live love,

In the shadows of history

As the future is here and now.

Don't go through life with hatred,

That's what He preached,

But faced our life with love for one another.

Testings

2010-07-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

There are different testings in life, and it can be categorized into three different testings:

1) The testing of wanting instant result vs. learning to walk by faith

2) The testing of instant fame/power vs. allowing God to promote you

3) The testing of compromise vs. patience

All of us are at different stages of testings in our life, but most importantly, when you go through trials in your life, know that God is a compassionate and merciful God.

5th July 2010

2010-07-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

5th July 2010. The best birthday celebration that i can remember. For consecutive years, every single birthday of mine started or ended with tears rolling down my cheeks. It was not tears of joy, but tears of sadness. Amazingly, as I am typing this, it is already 1am, and I have celebrated my birthday with a "blast", and really enjoyed it tons thanks to the many friends of mine who make it happen!

My plan was to go to Universal Studio and spend almost a full day there playing on rides and watching shows which always never fail to inspire me and give me ideas for creativity whenever I am there. Well, without tickets booked online, I supposed it's alright if we just go to Universal Studio and purchase the tickets there...but i was wrong! When we arrived there, the ticketing booth was not even open as all tickets are sold out!

I was upset to see the place being packed and the idea of not being able to go into Universal Studio frustrates me at that moment. However, i remembered Virginia had a friend who could get us tickets as he works in a tour agencies and amazingly, we got tickets to go in! Hooray...really am grateful to Virginia and her friend and as well as to God who answers my prayers!

Had great fun at Universal Studio the whole day and after which we went down to City Link Sake Sushi for dinner. Initially, i thought my cell group would get me Copic markers as it was exactly the price of their budget (yes i know the budget as i always get pressies for member's birthday!) but I dreamt that I would get a acoustic guitar! And yes, miracles and prayers do come to pass! Cell group indeed gave me a acoustic guitar for my birthday! God answers prayers! Hooray.

In summary, 5th July 2010 marked a change in my life, that as i think in my heart that all things will work out for good, it will. Besides this, i have also break the cycle of "tearful" birthdays! Thanks to God and of course, all my friends who make it happen!

Presents I received and people to thank for (in the sequence of pressies that I got first till what I will be getting [hopefully...]):

1) CCC latest album and CHC latest album- given by Pastor Jimmy

2) Money- given by my sister

3) Big can of Jellybeans-given by Valerie

4) Clothes from Depression-given by Shuyin and Jasmine

5) Money- given by my aunt Mina

5) Shrek notepad-Drew

6) Acoustic Guitar- Cell group

7) Kinokuniya vouchers- Julia and Christine

8) Mysterious gift- from Jun Ping

9) Mysterious gift- from Verena

10) Ipad- Mum [hopefully]

Once again, thanks for the pressies!!! It's not the amount/how much you pay that matters, it's the heart that counts. And this year, i got what I really want and need! Thanks. You guys rock! Awesome. And thanks to those who wished me too, it warms my heart!

Birthday

2010-06-23T05:53:00.001-07:00

My birthday is coming. Strangely, part of me is waiting for that day to come while the other half is hoping it will not come at all. Why? I have never in my life celebrate my birthday happily. Every single birthday of mine is celebrated in tears, as if there seems to be something that will upset me to be in tears for that day. How i wish this year would be different for a change.

Anyway, as usual. Before my birthday, i will write down what i want for my birthday (in case any kind hearted soul or friend is so willing to buy for me for my pressie..hehe) and what i really NEED. *notice there is a difference!

What i WANT:

1) I-pad

2) Iphone 4

3) Alexander McQueen's McQ t-shirt

4) House of Holland "Uhu Gareth Pugh" t-shirt

5) Gareth Pugh perfume

6)A cool watch

7) Chanel sunglasses

8)Alexander McQueen's skull scarf

What i NEED:

1) A belt (one that matches all my clothes)

2) Dr Martens boots (my shoes is spoiling!)

3) Acoustic guitar ( a really good one that last me for very long)

4) 4 $50 kinokuniya vouchers so that i can buy 4 books (3 fashion books and 1 creative business book)

5) A BIG bag to put in all my stuff like my laptop, my notebook, my sketchbook, my stationery etc.

6) Wallet (no GUESS please)

7) Clothes! it seems like i've been wearing the same thing over and over again

8) Perfume

9) Copic Markers (preferably those in a box as the colors are already coordinated. i want colors and one that is only black and grey)

10) A ring ( i dropped mine and now i'm feeling so weird without one!)

11) Adobe After Effects (this is what i really really really need right now!)

12) Designare magazine subscription

13) Spectacle frame (my CK frame is getting so bad....)

Frustration

2010-05-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

Felt like it has been raining on me for almost a year or so.

Just when I thought it was over, it seems to be raining again.

Probably i have too much skeletons,

Maybe God is saying this is my load to carry.

But....

Was all this what you all have in mind,

When I was a baby?

Now without a roof over my head to call my own,

It seems like there is nothing left to fight,

Nor anything to make it all ok.

They kept giving me a sunday school answer,

Please don't say, "it's temporary",

When it seems like its forever.

Just when she thought ignorance is bliss,

See where it has landed her now.

It hurts to know that it's gonna take me a long time

To climb back on my feet.

Don't try to say I just simply lost my way

I was being dragged to this war.

Never again will I want to anymore.

You chose to end it this way

And now you want to come back for more.

They may believed what you told them,

But I never will....

Never again.

Don't try to rob me of everything

Coz never again will I love you

I know you must have felt that it sucks

To see my face everywhere

And so do I

Now that I learnt the hard way

All because of you

I became so hard to trust

Everyone around me

As a child, my heart was shattered into pieces

I can't even piece it back together

And it felt as if someone has just hammered on the broken pieces

Probably it's not meant to be healed

I'm not gonna cry

For the same thing again

So broken on the inside

I guess it all don't matter anymore.

Last Saturday with God

2010-05-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

In case you don't know, I haven't been going to church for about 2 weeks before I finally go last saturday. Well, I was actually planning not to go for service last week as I wanna work for Audi Fashion Festival as a dresser on saturday but due to my mum needing me to help out in the moving of house, I decided not to go for the dresser thingy for AFF.

The past few weeks I have been struggling real badly with regards to many things in my life. Not gonna say much here, but one thing i can say is...I have been thinking of ending it all like how Alexander McQueen did. Indirectly, I have been "blaming" God and all....

So...I went to service not really engaging and all. Pastor Kong talks about depression and all and all that runs in my mind is that it is just a sermon to encourage others and I'm not really interested as it will not help me solve my problem.

But during ministering, I had no intention of going down for altar call. What really scares me is that it is then that i realised...that I am indeed struggling...struggling with thoughts of ending my life. Life doesn't seem so interesting, nor am i running after my dreams after all...

The female cgl/leader that prayed for me is indeed a great sister, but well, I wasn't that concern about it (but still, i got to thank her). Before the service and even during the service, i told God that I ain't talking/gonna listen to Him (see how childish I am!) unless something can make me change my mind. Well, the sister who prayed for me after she minister to me said something to me, but i wasn't listening. Strangely, I was thinking of Alexander McQueen....

God is such a humorous God. I said to Him that I don't wanna talk to Him about love, dreams, hopes, faith etc. And guess what? He spoke to me by showing met through Alexander McQueen! I said to myself, "I'm gonna end it all like Alexander McQueen and when I'm in the other world, I can probably ask him to teach me all his skills and probably interview him! Same as McQueen, no one seems to be trustworthy, no one seems to understand..." Then...a thought came to my mind when the sister was praying for me (but I wasn't even listening!)...

"Alexander McQueen's death is a tragedy. Probably it is something that he thought long and hard before making the decision. But...few years down the road, when you mention his name, people still remembers him for who he is, the works that he has done, the achievements he had etc...but...what about you? When you leave, what is going to happen? Will the industry remember you? will anyone, besides your family and friends remembers you? What is your legacy?"

Wow...after that...i came to my senses...

Though i'm no longer having the thoughts to end it all, i know it's a battle i have to fight....just now i asked myself, what is the thing that gets me going every single day? and even right now, I cannot answer that myself.

Sorry if you think I'm gonna share my problems here. I'm not.

Claustrophobic

2010-05-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Moved house on sunday. Most of my friends told me over twitters/sms/bb telling me to enjoy the new place, how is the new place etc. When i told them that I'm staying at my aunt's house, their reaction is more or less the same: "Oh."

Moving house is not a easy task especially when you are moving out of the house that you have live in for 12 years. Strangely, though I'm glad that I'm moving away from the place of bad memories that reminds me of a pithole of darkness, I'm kinda not really glad that I'm living at my aunt's place too.

In case you don't know, I'm slightly, or at times to a large extend, claustrophobic. I'm afraid of confined space. AND....the room that I'm staying...is small. Way smaller than the room that I shared with my sister. Way way smaller...and when I sleep, I felt that the room is closing in on me. Oh well.

If you are really concerned about my well being as a friend, please...either pray that my mum would be able to buy a house (which means the procedure of the divorce must be quick) or that someone would offer a room for us (and must be bigger!)

Strangely, i stayed at my aunt's house at the same room exactly 12 years ago.

Argh. Claustrophia...but..I'm slightly...and really...slightly glad that when I stay here, I won't be able to bump into my father anymore.

Youth Meeting

2010-03-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Just thought of blogging before I carry on my day of work today.

Yesterday's youth meeting was awesome. When Pastor Kong shared with us his burden, i felt that burden as well. I realized that as I grow up in church, year after year, even though we have grown in size, the people are taking a step back and "relaxing" and enjoying what is already present and made available to them. Unlike the pioneers, it can be said that we "had it all too easy". Instead of carrying on what the pioneers had already done, we are just "relying" on their victories instead of going out there to conquer the giants and take the world for Christ. You may not agree with me, but this is what I have observed as I grow up in church since I was 14 years old till now.

A little bit of reminiscence, when pastor Kong asked the pioneers how old they started leading etc, it dawned upon me what I could have achieved if I obeyed. At the age of 14, i joined church. At the age of 15, it is the year of the Emerge and I was inspired to want to do something for God. Unknowingly, God's plan for me was to become a student leader of my school. I truly enjoyed the days of being a student leader, whereby there are days I would gather the people in my school to do prayer walk, conduct prayer meetings with other schools, fast and pray for school revivals etc. When i left the school, having need to pass on the responsibilities to another potential student leader for my school, initially i was reluctant, as I truly love to serve God and really want to see God moving in my school. My teacher (who is a cg leader), talked to me about it and he said that what is important is leaving a legacy.

At that same period whereby i was a student leader, i was also the helper of my cg. I was growing and had the desire to want to become a cell group leader. But many things happened. Instead of seeking the advice of my previous cell group leader and my cell group leader, I chose to be influenced by "wrong" company and assume it is for good of the company and as a result, I lost my leadership.

Even though that may be so, as I reflect upon it today, I realised that how much more I could do if i obeyed during that time. But well, never be trapped in the past. Have to keep moving on. So instead of being caught up in the past, i'm looking forward. I still have 1 year and 9 months more in my school. Probably I could pray for revival and do something about it. I believed there is reason why God placed me in my school, and I want to make full use of what is present and given to me. I must be a good steward of what he place in my life.

In conclusion, after the youth meeting, instead of rushing my work, I ended up taking up my guitar and worship God instead. It's really great to be in His presence. The youths should start to rise up. It's never too early to start, nor is it too late to begin. All it takes is a step of faith. Once we make that decision to step out, God will lead our way through. Always remember, obedience is better than sacrifice. Let's not be trapped in the legacy of what the pioneers have done and be glad in it that we never go out and do greater things for God.

Let's all rise up!

2010-02-11T02:03:00.000-08:00

My child,

It's always easy for you to get caught in the past

And not see the future ahead.

You may be crying out,

Thinking how could I be so near and yet so far

My beloved child,

Look towards me

Instead of all the problems

You are going through

And let go

My precious child,

My love for you was not

A once upon a time

It was for now

Till the very end of time

My dearest child,

What came before you

Was really for you to grow

Don't blame yourself

For every single thing

I never want you

To live love

In the shadow

Of your past

Give all your burdens to Me

And I carry the weight

Facing the problem

With you

You might not know

What is coming

But look to Me

as Your guide

This may feel like

The lowest of your days

But every tear you cry

I'll give you peace

I will never make you pay

What you never owe

The debt is mine

And you should let it go

I have already paid the price

When I was strapped to the cross

So don't ever live life

In the shadows of your history

Go ahead and give your love

To those who require of it

Carry on writing the dreams

On the canvas of your heart

Keep your life pure

Let your life shine

Keep your heart strong

And carry on

Written by Abigail, dated 11 February 2010, 18.20

2010-02-11T01:45:00.000-08:00

The issues weighing on my shoulder is getting heavier

Maybe God is saying this is my load to carry

I'm getting weary of all these constant fury

From this certain man who wouldn't let me go

Was this what you had in mind when I was a baby?

In my heart I can't stand shoulder to shoulder

With the man his name I carry

Is no longer my father

This roof over my head is no longer my shelter

What else more do you want with me?

You wouldn't stop repeating

Like a broken recorder

There's nothing left

To fight over

Nothing left for you to gain

So won't you just let it go

Why does things always happen to me

Every day I live with a dream

That one day

I'll fly away and bring my mum and sis with me

Written by Abigail, dated 17 Feb 2010, 17.50

Please Go Away

2010-02-11T01:25:00.000-08:00

Please Go Away

Hey Dad,

Probably you are just thinking

That sis and I are just a mistake

Coz we did not grow up according to your plan

To become your source of income

And when you left us the other day

We are all so overjoyed

Thinking that it's the end

Of our agony

But then again

You came back, demanding so much from us

We have already lost much thanks to you

Won't you just go away?

You never ever approve of what I did

You always think I'm wasting my time

Doing the things I want to do

It always hurt when you disapprove all along

We will never be able to satisfy all your wants

Now that we have lost it all

All i could say is

We can't go back anymore

Say whatever you want about us

I will try not to think about it

Now that it's just too late

For me to go back anymore

Nothing will ever change the things you said

The only thing will gonna make this right again

Is that you will leave

And never ever come back at all

Written by Abigail, dated February 11 2010, 17.30

One Day I'll Fly Away

2010-02-11T00:58:00.000-08:00

One Day I'll Fly Away (inspired from Moulin Rouge)

I live from day to day

In the hope of trying to survive

Instead of being who I am

Everyday I hoped that this would go away

For years I yearned

And yet it grew greater

I longed for nothing more

But just this....

That one day I'll fly away

How I wish I could fly away

And leave all this to yesterday

But I couldn't

Probably it's just a dream

The only source for my existence

But why live life from dream to dream

One day the dream will end

But from now, I long for that day

That I'll be able to fly away

Written by Abigail, dated February 11, 2010 at 17.00

2009-09-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for a while now. Many things have happened, many things accomplished. Things to worry, things to fear. Ultimately, I wished, for a piece of mind. Just a thought, on what I truly feel this past few days.

Why Can't You Let Me Go? For once, I thought I'm emancipated

For once, I felt strong, I felt safe

For once, I felt that I could make it,

Without you by my side eyeing over me.

I wanna stay this way till the end of time,

But this is all a dream, when I saw you spying over us The other day.

Feeling of being cursed

Feeling of giving up

Probably I should

My future is going to be a history

O, won't you let me go? Now I'm shaking with fear I'm frighten,

but what for? Who made me a keeper

Of the mistakes that you have done

Now my heart is filled with miseries

Filled with the stains of yesterday

Why are we made to pay For the debt that you have made

It's so unfair

How your mistakes became ours

Now I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh every day Because of you

I cant be myself again

I was so young

You put me to shame

And now, 21 years of my life

I'm still crying for the same damn thing

On the day I was about to give up

I couldn't take it anymore

Then He came, and said to me,

"My child, don't give up. It's not over. Don't let anyone pull you down. Keeping fighting on."

Dreams

2009-07-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder about my dreams...

I always ask God why dreams and all....

And recently, people has been telling me all kinds of dreams, i watched an episode of a new series, it is about dreams from God.

oh wow.

Dreams are a type of prophecy.

oh wow.

am tired to blog further, thought of blogging more about it, but am just so tired.

Till next time, signing off.

Random thoughts

2009-07-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

Didn't realise the little cut on my neck. I dream of that cut, thought it was just a dream, until Rachel told me about the cut. Scary, but thank God it is healing.
I'm going to sit back and watch the drama. Should i laugh or should i be serious?
All the modules are pretty alright so far. Love garment and composition the most, finally get to draw! It's not an easy module though.
Time poverty: The people around me, are starting to realise what i meant by time poverty whenever i said i'm experiencing it. They started to understand the importance of time, and really amazingly, those whom i thought turn a deaf ear on me when i advise them to spend their time wisely actually do listen! They start to be conscious of what they are doing and spend time doing meaningful stuff! Wow. Time for me to stay focus as well.
Disposable relationship: Disposable relationship is a term used to describe relationships that is more of like a "quick-fix" type of relationship that can be updated as fast as a facebook profile update. This happens because when a relationship isn't working, people are always happy to throw the relationship aside as mending the relationship requires work and we are just all busy people. We are all just disappointed when after trying our best to advice our dear friend about her relationship, she refused to listen and then jump back into the relationship and dump all of us friends. Now that she is saying good-bye to that relationship, she comes back to us again, hoping we will all welcome her back with open arms. Wow. A very simple and yet meaningful examples of disposable relationship. We should never treat every relationship of ours in that manner.
Trends: I think plaids and tartans are coming back. So do stock up. Haha...but if i'm wrong, then im sorry. Coz im trying to develop my skills in this and i haven't go through the module of styles and trends! Haha...
RIP the art of conversation?
I realised that living in a babylonian culture is not easy. Right now, for me it is not about surviving, it is about influencing. God, teach me how to stay focus. Teach me how else i can serve you in where i am.

Alright. Good-bye. Many things to say, but my hands are tired of typing! (amazingly, mum gave me extra money for allowance today! Hooray!)

Life

2009-06-29T09:56:00.001-07:00

In 2005/2006, I always felt that my days are numbered.

NOW, IM FEELING THE SAME WAY TOO. MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED? OH NO.

Randomness that matters

2009-06-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for weeks. Or should i say...more than a month. STOP bugging me to update. So irritating you know.

This blog post is going to be random. Everything gel up in one post.

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Finished all my modules for the term. Learnt a lot of lessons from it. Learnt to be wise, confident etc.

So glad HRM is over. Can't stand that module coz i don't like Human Resource Management.

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found people who supports my vision and dreams. So for those 'unbelievers' of my dream, i can't blame you, nor be mad at you. But what i can say is....I know one day you will see the big picture of what im going to create.

"Creation is always the union of both talent and suffering"

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I found out the reason why i love fashion. Fashion is complex and yet it is open. It is not judgmental but it is full of critics to help bring it to a whole new level. Loving fashion for what it is. A way to help me express myself without holding back.

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Dreams. I love to see things. But sometimes i would rather not dream. Have been speaking to some people about my dreams and i think most of them don't believe. But it doesn't matter to me anymore. I used to think that it matters. But now i have a renewed mindset about it.

"What you are seeing is just bits and pieces of the future that is about to come".

So, it doesn't matter anyway if who i dreamt of know about it.

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I realised the importance of time. We are living in a time-poverty world right now. In order to carry on this fight of faith, a christian has got to know that we are running out of time. Don't spend time on unnecessary things that will waste your time/life away. Keep focusing on the goal of your race. For that is what you will get if you don't lose heart.

There is no shortcuts in this. BUT there is always the presence of distraction. Sometimes, distraction will come and it's up to you to decide to stay focus. Once we get distracted, it means there is lesser time to work for the kingdom of God.

Probably you may think that that means there is no time for personal stuff etc. I dont mean that. Distraction is more of like things that will pull you away from your goal. Rather than drawing you closer in. ALWAYS REMEMBER, THERE IS A SEASON FOR EVERYTHING. IF IT IS NOT THE SEASON FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, DON'T JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON AND GO WHEN YOU THINK IT IS TIME. REMEMBER TO FOLLOW GOD'S TIMETABLE.

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Sometimes, it is easy to get caught with what you are facing now, and not see the future ahead. I think about you, a part of me cries out you. It is not only me who felt that way, but some around too. Whatever came before you, is more than meets the eye. I don't want your future to be history. Arise, my friend. Look at the bigger picture. Hate us for life, we will still feel the same way. You may not know what is coming, and I am not much of a guide. But we are feeling so low right now whenever we see that. Wake up, my friend. You may not treat us as your close friends, but just remember, we really do care for you.

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Accusations is coming my way soon. Im putting on my armor already. What i promise not to say, i won't. It's just that it is getting too obvious, and what you try to make it sounds like you are right, in fact, you are wrong. But it doesn't matter, trials and tribulations i have been through. It is just a stage that i have to go through again i guess. But i think it's going to be a waste of my time. Coz it's not me. Seriously. Go bark the right tree, see within yourself. Look at the actions you take. Probably you will realise what you are doing now, is like....self-invited "persecutions" or "judgements". You don't want it, but yet you make it so obvious. Oh man. Help. God. Help.

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There are million maps in my head. Too many. So i really need a compass and a bag of rocks.

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I always like to analyze people's words one sentence at a time if it means something. I felt that the sort of persuasion, i'm sorry, i don't buy it. Just to let you know, i don't like to cover up for you.

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They are not ready yet. Help.

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When are they coming back? Am missing them...

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My birthday is coming soon!

I want:

A balmian jacket
A leather jacket
New pair of jeans
Ed hardy
Accessories
Bag- big enough to put laptop, notebook etc. Must be stylish looking.
Wardrobe change
Metronome
Money
Tickets to watch Lady GaGa
Borders vouchers, Kinokuniya vouchers. BASHEER vouchers
Wallet
Shoes

Wow...the list goes on and on.

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Ok. Signing off.

P.S If you think that I'm talking about you, maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong. Discern for yourself, use your 6th senses if you believe in 6th sense haha!

To all my beloved

2009-05-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

TO THOSE WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO MY SCHOOL FEES, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU GUYS,

I WANNA DO YOU GUYS PROUD.

ESPECIALLY SO....

TO MY MUM.

I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET THOSE HANDS THAT FEED ME.

ESPECIALLY TO GOD. WHO CONSTANTLY PROVIDES.

But today, i felt so disappointed with myself. I will try harder next time.

2009-05-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

The other day, my sister told me that she saw my father on her way home. Today, i overheard her telling my mum that he passed by my sister. I was wondering to myself....what is the main cause of all of this? What makes my family what it is today?

These few days, I thought about many things. I realised that it's not that i'm missing my father or anything...it's just that...I find the entire situation very pitiful. It's like...what if...what if....

I know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, i wonder why. I wonder why God places in so many situations that it seems to have surpass the number of ordeals an adult might have gone through in comparison to age. [this is because i was taken aback when an adult told me so]. I wonder why God places in the family I am in. I wonder why I am who I am today. I wonder why I always have to fight for what I believe in, what I want in life.

BUT GOD says...."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11.

Everything happens for a reason. I know that I can trust in God...for my God reigns.

Let Go and Let God

2009-05-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

By Nikki Fletcher

At times I've found it difficult to trust.

I like to be in control.

I'd like to be able to speed up that very

certain future, because I've been sure

of what is best and what i want and

who i am and where I'm going and, and

actually it's never quite enough and, and

I don't want to mess it up and people are

watching and people are talking and I

have to keep up, actually I have to be on

top and, and....

Let Go

Let God.

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I tried hard to forgive a man, who had just ruin my life.

I struggled with God.

Till I let go.

On that very morning.....

On a sunday..

It is then...

That I....

Let Go.

and...

Let God.

Updates (5th May 2009)

2009-05-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

Am going to help out at Audi Fashion Week- Wed, Thurs and Sat. Visit www.audifashionweek.com for more info.
Going to spend more time doing projects now. Better do it progressively so there would be lesser stress for the entire group when the mid-term exams or final exams are drawing near.
Only need to go to school for 2 modules this week due to exemption from class due to Audi Fashion Week! How cool is that?
Has been eating instant noodles practically everyday....am becoming a good cook...but it's detrimental to my health. Help.
Am worried and kinda dreading 1st June to come. Am praying for a miracle from God (if you know what it is, please keep me in prayer. Thanks)

Will update again on sunday (hopefully). Will share about Audi fashion week...

Whee!! Here i come....Audi fashion week.

What if it is going to be with you the rest of your life?

2009-05-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

What happens....if you realized that you have got a fault in your life? Probably a health problem, an addiction, a personality disorder or mental health problem....What would you do?

Some would blame everyone and anyone, inclusive of their parents. Some would try to block it out, while others will look for a solution.

What if....there ain't a solution? What are you going to do? If it is constant thing that you have to fight against, would you fight? Or would you give up at one point in your life?

Poh shared this with us after cg the other day. Well, it's interesting to think about this. Poh said that Pastor Bobby was the one who shared this. Pastor Bobby's wife, Cindy, suffered from low self-esteem and negativity ever since she was young. Her family and all makes it worst. It got better when she knew God. Everyday, constantly, negative thoughts will fill her mind and she has to fight it off by telling herself positive things and the promises of the Bible. One day, as she was praying, she asked God why she kept having such thoughts. Then, she felt that God said this, "What if this is going to stay with you the rest of your life?"

Wow. How would you approach this? Everyone has a battle they have to fight in their life. Probably that obsession with food, that addiction to computer games, that uncontrollable rage within....whatever it may be...what if....it is going to be with you the rest of your life? What would you do?

Well..everyone has different approach to this. What is yours? The struggles i face in life, is definitely different from yours. My approach, will obviously differs as well.

Think this through. "What if...it is going to be with you the rest of your life?" What are you going to do?

Doing reflection is good for progress.

Name

2009-04-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wonder what does your name means? Though it may be an English name, or a foreign name (chinese, tamil etc), surely it contains a meaning to it. Our parents would normally name us accordingly to the meaning that their would want us to portray in our life. Many a time, name may be the one that pull us up or destroy us. Why is this so? Ask a kid who had been bullied in school. Probably their name can be twisted to become a certain crude or funny name that can be labelled unto that poor child.

Similarly, in the Kingdom of God, our name is carved at the hands of God. We are remembered by our name. In Isaiah 43:1, it is written, "But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, OIsrael: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine."

Having a name with meaning is one thing. Being who the name signify is another thing. Many a time, we always question, "why do i have such name?" Rather than asking why, try searching for the true meaning of your name, and live it out.

My name is Abigail (in case you do not know). Abigail is a hebrew name which means, "God/He is Joy". So, how can i portray this wonderful meaning, if all day long, I'm unhappy and complaining about everything and anything under the sun? Instead of portraying such a lovely name, i'm actually doing it a disfavor. I realised that it's really true how name affects your destiny.

The woman in the bible, by the name of Abigail, truly is a great woman of God. If you follow the story of her in the bible, one thing really stand out strongly, that God indeed is joy, and from her, it also displays that sacrifice replaces all forms of selfishness.

Everyone knew the theory of "survival of the fittest". This is true in the case of Nabal, the husband of Abigail in the bible. He is a man widely detested by those around him, especially David. The story goes on to show the tension that is slowly arising out of the situation BUT Abigail, the wife of Nabal, stands in the gap. Even though Nabal may be "brutish and mean" as seen in 1 Samuel 25:3 (MSG), Abigail is "intelligent and good-looking" (1 Sam 25:3 MSG). Though she may be both, it is not just on the outer surface, but rather, it is more of how she turn this and use it to save her family.

When Abigail heard of what Nabal had done, she spring into action by warning David about what is going to happen and as such, it could be seen that she has stand in the final gap between her family and sure death. So, how does the meaning of her name works here? Well, firstly, she does not defend Nabal but agrees that he may be a bad character, which shows of good judgement, therefore bridging the gap between peace and anger as David might not listen to a woman who only wants to beg for the life of an evil man. This truly brings joy to David, as not only does she displays a good judgement, she begs for forgiveness and not of justice, accepting blame she she is innocent and offers gifts and warns David to leave Nabal to God's hand and avoid the heavy weight of remorse if he so ever kill Nabal. As such, God is truly glorified, that through one woman, she had saved the day of preventing a bloodshed from taking place, as well as putting peace into the heart of David.

Well, speaking on a personal level, for me, it talks quite deeply into my life. As the name that I carry, consist of a certain characteristic that links back to woman of the bible, named Abigail, King David's wife after Nabal was struck dead by God. The greatest lesson that can be learn from this story, is that of "taking our eyes from her beauty and set them on someone else's. She lifts our sight from a rural trail to a Jerusalem cross. Abigail never knew Jesus at that time of old testament, but she portrays His life in that she placed herself between David and Nabal. Jesus placed himself between God and us. Abigail volunteered to be punished for Nabal's sins." Christ is punished for the sins of you and me. "Abigail turned the anger of David." Christ shield us from the anger of God.

Through Christ, we gain love, peace and joy. Joy is achieved when sacrifice is made. Sacrifice should be made with joy. Joy is not just a feeling. It is a combination of action and sacrifice. For me, I treat my name differently from all other name, with the knowledge of this woman in the bible, of what she had done. Indeed, God is glorified, that probably all around the place during that period of time, people are glorifying God, joy fills the entire place, at the death of the evil man, Nabal.

One thing that really struck me tons, is not really about her being beautiful and intelligent (though it is a good quality to have in my life! haha...) but rather, it is that she stands in the gap, between her family and death. She save her family. She is like the beauty, standing face to face with the beast and not being afraid, she boldly took the step and trust wholly unto God for help.

My family has been going through many many things for few years already. Sometimes, i wonder. "God, when will this end?" But i wholly trust unto God, that He is never late. All things will fall into place. When i understand the full meaning of names, i longed to become like the Abigail, the woman in the bible, that stands in the gap for her family. Wow. How awesome. Total and complete trust to God. She is not afraid, but bold and full of confident.

No matter what you may be going through today, always remember, that God is always near. If you are willing to step out in faith and trust in Him, like how Abigail did. Never despise your name, regardless of what name you have, God called you by your name. There is a purpose for it.

Isaiah 45:4

".....I have even called you by your name; I have named you, though you have not known Me."

28 April 2009

2009-04-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

Have been praying and fasting on Monday and Tuesday. Praise be unto the Lord for strength, presence and wisdom. Continuing......I want more!!
Thank God for Christine who lend me the cd "This is our God" upon which....i kept on looping this song when I worship and pray. It is really good! Presence of God...whoa~ God, i want so much more of You!
Felt encouraged by the things going on around me
Need to start striking a balance between school work and other stuff. Away with lethargic feeling and more of passion and excitement required.
Today, 29th April 2009, marks the day that my dad has left for a week. The other day i was asking God about this. And well, i was reminded of the parable of the prodigal son. Probably, my dad will be back. As a prodigal dad? I think well, when he left, it gave me a whole new perspective of everything. Probably this is a way in which my mum, my sis and myself, can take a breather and probably reconsider many things. Felt good that he is not here, maybe it helps me...but ultimately, I know he will be back.
Went for the briefing for Fashion Week. What can I say? ...... Better not.
This few days, after having a great time jamming last friday, i thought about many stuff. About me playing the bass, guitar etc. Probably it's time for me to take it to a whole new level. Firstly, lets start with learning how to read notes! *urgh!

I'm gonna strive for excellence. I have been making the same mistakes over and over again. I gotta learn and stop expecting my leaders to keep telling me about it! Time for a change.

In whatever I do, let God be glorified. God, glory be unto You. You deserve all glory and praise. Nothing else compares to You, nothing else takes Your place. You are all that I need.

The heart of one being bullied

2009-04-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I was always the odd one out in groups

They stole all my things

I was a kid bullied in school

The teachers didn't care

They just left me sitting there

I don't know what I did

But since knowing Christ,

Oh, how the tides have turn

Coz I used to be bullied in school

Who always ran away and hid

No one took the time to know me

The "kick-me" sign was always on me

Now everybody wants to know

What I do and where I hang out

At least now I know they won't bully me

Coz I have Jesus living in me

It's all history

Now I have put it all behind me

Look at what I have become

I got recognize in the streets

Everyone i met

Remembers me being bullied

But now it's all changed

Coz I have Jesus living inside of me

He's the reason why I go to school with no fear anymore

Thank You

2009-04-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

I sit and reminisce

Of all the stuff that I have been through

From small stones to big obstacles

All the crap that a teen needs to take

Parents to schools

Friends to boys

I have only been through one

Phrase of my life

And it has just began

Growing up can be so strange

But some things will never change

To all those who cared for me

I just wanna say,

"Thank You"

To all my friends who I wanna be with

To all my family that shake my world

To all my teachers who gave me such academic memories

I wanna thank you for being good to me

Change of Heart

2009-04-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

The movies I love this year

Can't be compared with those of the past

The songs that I hear

Is always the same old song

No, it's not a case of my hardening of heart

Nor I'm no longer feel it any more

Suddenly I felt this heart of mine

Is subtly changed

Saying goodbye

To yesterday's stain

If my dreams contain a certain secret

It will be kept till I grew old

And eventually

I will write a novel on it

A change of heart

I'm discarding all the negative memories

So that I may have a more sincere look

Even though I may not comprehend

Why love is gone

The reasons for those pain and loneliness

A change of heart

I don't care why he don't love me anymore

I just concern and care for the stranger's smile

Feeling carefree

I'm gaining back my freedom

Alas, I'm able to let it go.

Desires

2009-04-22T22:25:00.001-07:00

Desires of My Heart

Really desire

To walk on the same road with You

Regardless of Paris, France or Tokyo

Even to the entire world

With You holding me in Your hands

Really desire

To stay in wait for You

I knew it might be a test of my patience

Even if it means for a long time

With all my heart I will commit

Really desire

To make a joyful sound for You

Though it may seems silly to the world

Eventually I will break free

And express the joy I have in You

Really desire

To spend every minute in Your presence

Enjoying Your fellowship

Filling up the emptiness in my heart

And drawing closer to You

Desires will always be desire

It will only be fulfilled

With actions taken

From now on

I will.....

22nd April 2009

2009-04-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after meeting up with Sean and Christine, on my way back home, i was just listening to my ipod, i felt so excited about God and i kept snapping my finger. haha. (if you know what that means). Anyway, when i reached home, i was so excited that i went to my prayer closet and seek the Lord and read the book of Job. Well, got quite a revelation from the few chapters I read.

Today, I woke up feeling excited about school, though it is 9-6 for me, i'm still excited. Normally, my Ipod will be on shuffle mode, and amazingly, from the bus stop of my house till bugis, throughout the entire journey, my ipod goes on God-mode! Every song played is a Christian song! Wow. How amazing! And i just love to listen to praise and worship song early in the morning as it helps me to be refreshed and everything.

In marketing class today, many thoughts came to my mind. I know i should pay attention but some thoughts are hard to shut it off. For my projects, though the information is hard to find, i thank God that my lecturer finds it good and alright for the M.A.C information collected by our group. I have a conceived idea in my head roughly the stuff that I am going to place into the report. Haha...I like to think ahead and apparently my group likes it, so i guess it's pretty alright.

Thank God there isn't any HRM today and no CONTEMPORARY HISTORY OF FASHION tomorrow. Praise the Lord for that, because i really need time for other stuff and a break if not i'll be in lala land soon. Haha.

Till next time.

Am going to gain pieces of jigsaw puzzle through victory in Christ.

Teardrops on my guitar

2009-04-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

I was just listening to the song "Teardrops On My Guitar" now. Early on in the day, i was practicing the guitar and part of the time, I practiced bass lines on the bass parts of the acoustic guitar. I suddenly thought of my bass guitar. If you don't know what happen to it, well, my dad took it and sold it away for a lame reason. The bass guitar meant so much to me. I was so afraid of my other bass guitar suffering the same fate, that I left it in safe hands with Julia and Rallen. Thank God for them. Anyway, I re-wrote the song "teardrops on my guitar" to fit this context.

I realize that I still can't forgive. I seriously don't know how. I pass by him day and night. I seriously can't. I need help. I know I need to forgive him, but I don't know how. I thought it's forgiven, but I guess I'm wrong. Gosh. I'm crying now.

"Teardrops on my guitar" -can't be sang to though.

Dad looks at me

He fakes a smile so I can't see

What he wants and what he needs

And everything that he deserve

I bet he's incorrigible

That tone he speaks

And he's got my bass guitar

That I have to live without now

Dad shouts at me

I laugh cause its so funny

It's my bass guitar you are talking about here

As if its his to begin with

He says he is borrowing it

He still thinks he is right

I wonder if he knows

Basic thing such as ask

He says he's so in need

He still can't get it right

I wonder if he knows

He is the pain in our hearts

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only thing that withheld me from moving on

He's the angst in my life

Don't know why he is doing this

Dad walks past me

Can't he see I'm in pain?

And there he goes, so nonchalant

The kind of attitude that makes me sick

He better meant his word

Give back what he owe

Look at these lives he broke

And know the truth

He's the reason for the teardrop on my guitar

The only thing that witheld me from moving on

He's the angst in my life

Don't know why I felt this way

So I swallowed it down

As I try to move on

I'll put it all behind me

And maybe get some sleep tonight

He took from us and it's never enough

To quench his appetite for money

Dad looks at me

He fakes a smile so I won't see

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If only he knew how I felt. Everyone needs closure in life. I just don't have the guts to speak up. I'm sorry, to those who kept asking me to speak up. I don't have the guts. I don't wanna perish. Probably someone would just help me tell my mum i need closure for this to move on. It's the jigsaw puzzle piece i got to win to fit it into the big picture of my purpose in life. God, i need You.

Im not going to bother other people by telling them what is going on in me right now. Probably i'll get over it soon. I bother my leader too much about it already. My mum is in great stress. My sis can't take it anymore too. My friends are turning deaf on me. So, don't tell me to erase this post.

Besides this, around this time in 2006, my beloved music instructor past away. Probably I'm just feeling it all. I didn't really weep when i heard the news even though he is someone important to me.

I need closure to move on.

Easter Poem 2

2009-04-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

This is a poem about Carmen from the Easter drama. Her feelings after she was resurrected.

Things may not be what it used to be

It's been a long while

But I've come a long way

I could just stay out

But I rather be there by your side

Don't judge me again, Daddy

Coz when I am home

It just won't feel right

I don't mind your correction

I'll look for the light in your eyes

Good enough to know

That you still care and love me

Sit down beside me

I'll be glad that you're here

You may be home late

But its good enough for me

To know that I'm yours and you are mine

I want to bring our love back

Don't know why

I used to wander off track

It's not worth all the fighting anymore

It's not worth having finally won

I can't be sorry for all the things I never done

They are all the things you and I hate but can never outrun

Love is restored

When I breathe again

We are gonna bring love back

Through His love

Now that we

Have a clue how to do so

We just know that if we don't

Our relationship will never change

We will walk side by side

Find ourselves again

Face the dangers we see

No more strangers are we

We will be bond together

By Him, through a prayer

And we are family once again.

2009-04-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

I was pretty inspired by the Easter Drama so well as the song "Stranger In Me" from "It's My Life! Musical" . So, I wrote a poem about Silas' thoughts after what Jesus had done for him.

It was so foolish of me,

To get caught up in the past

Of her death

And not see the future ahead of me

I think about what I have done

A part of me cries out

How could I be so near and yet so far

Instead of looking at Him

I only saw my guilt

and that was also far from what He felt

Wherever His love for me came from

I couldn't comprehend

How could He had done so

He died on the cross for me

Whatever came from Him

It was more than a case of me and Him

He took it upon Himself

So I could be free

I don't want to live love

In the shadow of history

The future is not history

It is the here and the now

He is no longer a stranger

He became my Savior

He carry the weight of the cross

He died so I could live

I dont know what is coming

I'm not much of a guide

I've never been so low

As when she died

With every tear i cry

Was woe to him who shouts "Crucify"

It's so unfair how one mistake

Could make the deepest stake

I'm to blame for every single thing

"I'm never gonna make you pay

For what you could never ever owe

The debt is is mine and you should let it go

I'll carry the weight, for every single one"

Do I dare to love again

Or was it curse right from the start

Do I dare to pin my hopes and dreams in the canvas of my heart

"Go forth, its long forgiven"

"Me-isms"

2009-04-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

In this state of economic downturn, the society becomes uptight, uncertain and jittery at all times and even the children of God, are not being exempted from this period at all. When there is darkness in the place, people would fall into an avalanche of what i would refer as "me-isms".

"Me-isms" is a state whereby all an individual looked at is self. Thoughts of "get what you want", "you deserve it", " don't sacrifice your life for anyone" fills the space of the minds of inward-looking individuals. No man in this world is perfect. ALL would fall into this state at certain period of time. The higher the level of "me-isms" present in the life of an individual, the deeper the pit hole of denial is being dug and one of the main cause of "me-isms" is denial.

Denial, is an easy way out to many problems faced in these times of uncertainty, suspicions and darkness and it is widely accepted concept and philosophy that the society would open its arms to in order to 'solve' some of the issues that had already surfaced in our society which is hard to overcome. However, as a believer of God, denial is not what God would want us to have in our lives. Instead, self-denial is what is essence for a Christian, that we no longer deny the situations around us, but rather, we go back to the basics of basic in life, to the foundations of our christian beliefs.

Therefore, rather than placing emphasis on "me-isms", getting what you want, take a step back, analyze the situation, accept the situation as it is, and seek after God for a solution, as God will never allow us to be tempted beyond our capacity to overcome. Shutting down the desires of "me-isms" immediately will hurt, but when done slowly, we are activating our will and the more we use our will, the stronger it gets, as like a human muscle. As such, with the development of our will muscle, we are able to allow the "me-isms" to slowly subside, and eventually turn it around and together with the seeking of the Lord, we can eventually have a life of "God-isms" instead.

~inspired when I read Pastor Phil Pringle book.

Weakness

2009-04-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

I saw this image online. I thought of what i said to Rachel today. Hmmm....who should be stoned? Me or Her? Haha....

Thoughts (14 April 2009)

2009-04-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

14th April 2009.

- marks the day whereby i have seen the various lecturers for this term module. Well, what can I say? When I have experienced the best, I would not want the second best. I would still prefer the best. One sentence sums it all. We miss Madeleine (we call her "Maddy"). My classmates and I were just talking about it over lunch at Soup Spoon just now. So we drop an sms to Maddy saying we miss her. haha..

- i wonder why some people do the things they do. Shouldn't they thought about consequences? Or in any case, thought about the time they are going to waste on doing the things that they are doing? I wonder. Can't say the name here. Sorry. If not I would have rattle away.

- still dwelling on the fact that i can't buy True Religion jeans from Skin Couture anymore. I'm SO gonna buy online. Seriously.

-I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I'm still kinda in a lazy mood. Still not geared up for assignments, classes etc. Probably the term break is too short. It's just one week and that week I burn it all away doing important stuff.

- was amazed that Rachel recognized it immediately when I was practising paradiddle on the table at Soup Spoon today! I played it real slowly and she knew it immediately. It means i get it right! ahha....Thanks to Christine for teaching me that.

-still thinking about Barbie Doll. I wonder....

Series of Randomness

2009-04-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

1) On sunday, i helped out to clear stage at expo, played with Ethan, Erin and Erika (totally love their blond/black hair, eye color, sweet smile...). Anyway, Ethan inspired on one thing. He showed me his RETAINER. He was so enthusiastic about it. So i mentioned to him i have one too, but not as nice as his. I haven't been wearing mine for months. So right now, i'm wearing it, its time for me to look after my teeth once again (after years of wearing braces, i would hate it if it ever go out of shape again). In case you really dont know what a retainer looks like, mine is like this picture here( i took it from google image..haha.)

2) It feels weird that today is the start of a new term, and yet, my schedule states that I only need to go for class when week 2 starts. Urgh. I was so eager to go to school. Can't stand it when i'm not doing anything.

3) Went to www.style.com. Looked at pictures upon pictures of runway images. The first thing that came to my mind? 'I can/should have use this picture for my history of costume research book. It will be stronger for me to portray a point'. It is now, that i realized, what a workaholic i am.

4) Had great fun on sunday evening after MTT hanging out with some strikeforce members at Timbre. Loved that place. We went to listen to the band in particular as it will be their last time together before they disband. They played blues music and I'm so amazed at the bassist because not only is he enjoying himself, he can play scales while closing his eyes! Wow. If only I can reach that stage (therefore, I must practice hard!). After a while, we decided to celebrate Wilson's birthday (He is a youth pastor from America...He is so cool. You wouldn't even think he is a pastor when you see how he open up, have a carefree attitude etc). Anyway, its great hanging out together....really loved it tons.

5) I'm CONTEMPLATING....should i stop blogging while i'm having my school term or only blog during term break? I wonder. Ain't gonna use this as a source of complain though..haha.

2009-04-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've last blogged. The previous time that i've blogged, its before school term starts. Now, a term is gone. I have gained tons of knowledge on Fashion Merchandising, Color Theory of Fashion, Textiles and History of Costume...did many projects as well. Wow. I cant believe so many things happen over the past 3 months.

While everything seems to be moving so fast, some things seems to not have moved at all. Change is the only constant in life, but amazingly, the change in my family seems to be moving really really slowly, as if it is a slow-mo video. The talks and thoughts of things that are supposed to be done, are yet to be done. Procrastination, seems to have fall into place. Now, I'm questioning myself, why am I holding on to the debts of my parents? Why do i have to carry the burden of the mistakes made by adults? Is this the life that I want to live by? It is always easy to get caught up in the past, and forgetting the future that lies ahead. All I wish, is for the one party to say, "You're not to be blame for everything". In fact, I'm not the one at fault from day one. It's so unfair how one mistake, can make the deepest stake in the lives of two. Would they ever say, "I'll never make you pay." Probably, it still remains a fantasy of mine, for one party to say, "I'm sorry". I always wonder, do i really dare to go ahead and love, or do i draw back, thanks to the scenes i've experienced in life?

The song from "It's My Life! Musical" that I always felt is so close to my situation. As the musical has elements of all of our lives, I guess this is one closer to me. (That man his name i carry is no longer my father.....)

It's raining again

Time to take in the dirty laundry

The basket is heavy

Maybe God is saying this is my load to carry

Its raining again

I'm weary of this constant fury

Breaking up is easy

Was that what you had in mind when I was a baby?

In Your heart you and him can't stand shoulder to shoulder

That man, his name i carry is no longer my father

This roof over my head is no longer my shelter

The one you had loved before is now a stranger

You like to repeat like a broken recorder

There's nothing left to fight over

It's better late than never

Ideal if it's sooner

It's your answer

To forever

Forever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can we actually move on? Or will we remain stagnant for the rest of our lives? Who made me the keeper of my parents debt (not talking about finances here)? Why should he take from us, when he don't even care at all?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This few days, due to projects and many other stuff that is crushing down on me, I'm kinda stumbled in a way which causes me to question about my choice of the path that I took. But thankfully, i seek advice from wise people and amazing they told me what to do, give me advice etc and well, I've sorta in a way gain back what i believed for in the past once again. Thanks again to these people and I guess people like my lecturer, Madeline, really gave me such good advice and my sis as well. Boon has also constantly saying that we should go up to the next level. So well, I'm going to take all their advice and really towards it. Everyone has high hopes and expectations for me....I wonder why...do i really have great potential as what ______said?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I realised that throughout this year, i've gained many experiences, knowledge and more importantly, I felt that I have in a way, grown up. It may felt that I'm kinda thick skin to proclaim that, but amazingly, that is what i feel personally. I start to realize that i should work hard for what i want, rather than stretching out my hand and ask for it, like a beggar when I'm already 20 years old. According to a research by Fortune magazine, it is said that only 4 out of 25 generous rich people gain their wealth through inheritance. The other 21 people worked their way there through giving and hard work. I want to be like the other 21, and not like the other 4. Ultimately, the 4 who gain it out of inheritance, they do not experience things such as poverty, hard work, discipline, courage etc because everything that they needed and want has already been provided for them, therefore, they do not treasure more. I have friends who are in this category, and sometimes, when I look at how pampered their life is, I no longer admire them or hope to have life like that (though i use to in the past). I thank God for where I am today, for when the day comes whereby I reached a stage whereby I'm where I wanna be, I will be able to held my head up high and know that I have work hard for it. In a way, in comparison to these friends of mine, I felt that I'm more "rugged" in a sense. I have been through so much, that if they are to go through the same thing, it will crush them real bad, like how one said to me the other day.

List of things I wanna/try to do for myself:

Pay for my school fees. Im left with like $25,000 plus to pay. Hopefully, I can contribute some amount to pay for my own fees. (not going to take it for granted and be spoon-fed)
Pay for my own driving license, test, lessons etc. (this is for my own benefit. If I want it, I'm going to go get it myself. If even this I have to ask my mum to pay, I seriously think I'm kinda like a 'failure'. Coz working to get something you want is better than reaching out your hands to get it, so Im going to work hard for it, get my own car [FERRARI! THE WOMAN WITH THE FERRARI IN SCHOOL SAID THAT I COULD GET IT IF I WORK AS HARD AS HER. AND SHE IS YOUNG! ]

There are many more things that I wrote here...but i decided to erase it off so that I would have some privacy. Haha...

Mum just came back from Thailand. Now she is telling me my aunt is paying for her tickets to China. AGAIN! My other aunt paid her tickets for Thailand. I guess when she come back from China she will fly again. Haiz. Everyone around me is flying. Im flying as well....In my results.

PRAISE BE UNTO GOD! Full marks for my exams. Full marks for assignments. Full marks for presentation so far for my Fashion Merchandising. Whee! Hopefully, next term would be bettter...

Signing off.....blogged at 3am again.

Reflection

2009-01-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

2008 is gone.

Now is the year 2009.

A reflection of my year of 2008 can be summarized in one line....

I live a pampered life in 2008.

The reason why i said so, is because majority of my days is spent in snoozing, watching videos, enjoying the things i love in life.

What will this year be like for me?

I'm going to go from glory to glory, strength to strength. The year 2009 is going to be the greatest year ever for me.

My school term is going to start soon. I can't wait for it.

Mess

2008-12-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

I dont wanna clean up the mess you left on the floor.

i always thought that probably blogging is a way to pen down my frustrations, feelings etc. But i guess even right now, i have no mood to blog. What's the point? But am i keeping it all on the inside of me? I'm tired of repeating myself. So tired. If you can't help, then don't bother asking.

I'm not yours truly.

Schedule for this two weeks

2008-11-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

Below is my schedule for this coming 2 weeks:

17 Nov: MAC makeup session@ Takashimaya outlet
18 Nov: IML Full run
19-23 Nov: Asia Conference
24-26 Nov: Bump in sessions
27 Nov: IML opening

27-5 Dec: It's My Life! Musical

So, busy busy busy. Physical strength, creativity, wisdom is all i need. With Him i can soar like an eagle.

Changes

2008-11-14T09:16:00.000-08:00

I just changed my hair color.

I just changed my ez-link card.

I wish to change my situation, but i prefer to overcome it.

I wish for next year to come now, but i prefer to live my last lap of the year to the fullest.

Updates

2008-11-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I've last blogged. Well, today (13/11/2008) was supposedly to be a busy day for me. Anyway, i'm amazed that I have finished the stuff that i am supposed to do and well, its already 3.15am and here i am blogging. 13/11/2008, i met with 1 accident and 2 freak incidents. The bus that i was on nearly overturn on my side of the bus. Someone from mediacorp asked me to join them and lastly, a lady( i think she suffers some eye problem) and she is mute kept indicating that I should do something about the pimples and acne on my face when i was taking the escalator at Tangs. The escalator took so long and well, she kept insisting that i should and so i said, "alright".

The previous sunday, Sharlyn also mentioned to me about it. Probably its time for me to really go for it.

So, what had happened to me from 29/10/2008 till now?
- I completed image consultant course
-going through rehearsals for Asia Conference
-rehearsals for It's My Life! (bump-in period now)

alright. I'm seriously tired now. Am going to bed. A great day lies ahead of me!

Support for students

2008-10-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hi guys and gals. Kindly support my students from Dunman Sec as they have set up a website selling tees, contact lens, bags and hoodies. The website is

www.two-buttcheek.blogspot.com

Radio Recording

2008-10-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

22 October 2008

I woke up pretty early to go for a radio recording at safra radio guard house which is the residence of POWER98FM. Well, we went there to record for the It's My Life! commercial which requires our voices for the commercial. It's pretty fun, but I'm the only one over there that needs to do it twice. BUT praise the Lord, Rong and Iffah together with Kheng Hua are all very encouraging and supporting me all the way, though Kheng is rushing for another appointment but she still didn't rush me through and even the DJ, Sebastian, taught me how to do it rightly. All in all, i could say that this is a great opportunity for me to learn as well as a great chance for me to develop my self-confidence. So really thank God for it and stay tuned to POWER98FM. Continue supporting us by logging on to www.gatecrash.com.sg to purchase the tickets to IT'S MY LIFE! MUSICAL.

Cameras and mobile phones with camera functions are not allowed to be brought into the entire SAF area so well, i surrender all of my gadgets and therefore this pic is taken outside the building! This is also the time whereby we are shocked by Kheng's 'magic'. Haha.

Aunty Mina's Baptism

2008-10-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

19.10.2008

This is the date of my aunt's second birth. The first birth happens in our life without our consent, because God gave us our life. However, the second birth in our life happens when we proclaim and confess that our Lord Jesus Christ lives in you and through your action of baptism, you are showing the whole world and similarly to our natural birth, we will wail and cry when we are born. Thus, this date is significant to my aunt because she has decided to follow Christ all her life.

I'm so proud of you!

On that very same day, my first and second aunt respectively,aunt Judy and aunt Cecilia, and my uncle's wife, aunt Irene, gave their hearts to Jesus Christ. Whee~ Praise the Lord. When one is save in the household, the entire household shall be saved. Amen!

These kids from my uncle's church seems to be so amazed at the fact that their stage can actually be turned into a pool.

My Sabbath Day

2008-10-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

Monday. Normally, it's the start of a routine type of life. HOWEVER, today, i have got my off-day! Whee. Anyway, it's my Sabbath day. Supposedly, i'm to wake up early to go for a jog around the park like last Wednesday. However, i didn't. Well, probably a Sabbath day shouldn't be a day of work right? Hee. Anyway, i went to the bank just now in the afternoon. Before that, i read the book i borrowed for my course for next year (ain't i Kiasu?) and started reading it. It's a thick book but i'm still at the introduction page and I'm so immersed in the book. Then, i went to the bank. I can't believed that a banker or financial adviser like the guy who served me is so patient, so kind and understanding. Thank God for him. When i came back home, i started during research, read-ups and watch the Hong Kong drama series (read my previous blog entry for which show i'm currently watching) as well as the same old english drama series. Hmm. Just now, not long ago, i read up some verses from the Bible and i felt that well, today is not a wasted day after all for my Sabbath day. Hee. I can't remember who i talked to before, but well, we both agree that every week, every individual should just take a day off or time off for self, away from others and time for relaxation, self-reflection and a peaceful time alone doing things that one likes. Every day we hear bad news, and as the days pass us by, the curve just goes from one extreme to the another. So, if we dont learn how to relax and have time for reflection, we will all go nuts. Tomorrow morning i'm going to wake up early and go for a jog, so that i will feel refreshed and gear myself up for the entire week ahead!

2008-10-13T02:18:00.000-07:00

He stole my things. In broad daylight. Then later he is going to put it back again. Thinking i wouldn't know. Dumb.

2008-10-13T02:12:00.001-07:00

Achievements

2008-10-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

On tuesday, i planned to wake up early on wednesday morning to go for a jog at the park near my house. On wednesday morning, my mum woke me up reminding me of my jog and i told myself that i will get up half an hour later. True enough, when my alarm ring, i suddenly got up and my body posture was erect. I wonder why. The night before, i prayed to God about my jog and i mentioned that i wanna be a woman of my word that when i say i will run, i will run and i ask God to help me if i suddenly gave excuses. Probably the Holy Spirit pulled me out of dreamland and into reality. Praise the Lord! I ran about 2km or more around the park and few rounds around the basketball court perimeter. Hee. I felt so full of glee after that.

Birthday Card

2008-10-09T10:20:00.001-07:00

Its been months since I last did a birthday card for anyone. This time, i did a birthday card for Yvonne from my cell group and we are going to present it to her later on during cell group meeting. I spent about 2hours doing this with the help of my mum in the gluing so i hope she will like it and well, i did not put in 100% into it but i believe that i can still proudly declare that i have put in effort. Anyway, below are the images i took of the card and i seriously hope that she will not visit my blog before cell group meeting! Haha....(my pictures are not rotated when i upload it. blogger seems to do magic and rotate it for me. )

What I'm currently watching

2008-10-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

I'm currently watching this tvb series online. I dont have starhub cable nor mio tv and if you know me well, i can't even watch tv at home but nonetheless, i still can watch online! (stupid man). And watching online seems to be faster than starhub cable for some english series that i'm watching too. Anyway, i hate the guy in spectacles in this show. Reminds me of my friend. BUT i like the actor. He is one good actor in this show and others as well. (The picture i got it from tvb website.)

I pity the guy on the right. The actor name is Kevin Cheung. Well, in the show, his life is very miserable as he went to jail for 10 years for murder upon which he is innocent. The one who is the real murderer is the guy on the left of the picture. He acts innocent and manipulates others to believe that he is a good guy. For more info, do watch this series or check online for more details.

Blogs

2008-10-07T00:53:00.000-07:00

I have been reading many blog entries of people that i know and strangers blog that i stumble upon be it locally or those from other countries. I realised that there is a huge gap between local blogs and those from foreign countries. It is in the content of what they blogged about. Anyway, i believed that blogging can be fun, but at times, the way we portray a certain object or subject, changes the objectivity of the entire thing. Sometimes, i get bored by reading just one post from a blog because it is either everything about themselves, what they do (like as though i'm watching their every second and moment of their day), or that i find it hard to understand what they are writing due to short form type of writing, wrong choice of diction etc. Probably people are bored of my blog, but i dont care at all. It is my persuasion after all.

Mtt

2008-10-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

I felt so happy just to go to mtt. But in the meantime, i do not know why, im just wondering, where is my passion? I loved music since i was a kid. Was it because of what happened to my bass guitar? To the times that i wanna practice but was stopped had it caused a shadow over my life? Then again, God is great. I still loved going for strikeforce practices and listening to Boon's speech. I will cling on and stay together with the vision of Boon for 2010. I believed that we can do it!

I will be an overcomer. Whatever shadow that is over my life right now with regards to music, i will overcome it!

Lost

2008-10-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

I lost my freedom. 1st Oct marks the day that i lost my freedom of expression. Of playing the guitar. He kicked the door so hard. I actually do hope he kicked it open. BUT he didn't. Lousy. So much for your 'anger' . Thanks for your pretense. I dislike you even more now.

2008-09-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

I can't watch F1 on tv now because he is watching it now. AND when i came out of the toilet after bathing, i caught a glimpse of FERRARI. My favorite team. Shucks.

Character

2008-09-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

She said that I am complex. I did not ask why. Probably i knew why, but on the other hand, i dont think i know at all.

My Head

2008-09-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Few years ago(i forgot how many years ago), i banged my head against the car pillar therefore causing a dent in my skull. Well, this does not happen once, but TWICE. Anyway, after that, i always have headaches but i thought that it might not be that serious after all. However, this few days, around the injured area, i felt pain and everything and though it is only pain that i feel, im sorta worried about it and suspect that i have got a depressed skull fracture. It sounds scary to me but still, i didn't tell my mum about it and well, i'm just gonna save money and go for an xray to make sure that everything is ok. I would be praying for good health but in the meantime, i guess i would have another thing to save money for. Haiz. Anyway, if anyone has got spare cash to waste, always feel free to consider "donating" to be for me to see a doctor. Haha.

F1

2008-09-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

When i was a kid, i played with cars and guns and swords. Occasionally, i played with Barbie dolls. I loved watching racing and playing racing game. BUT sadly, i would have to forego my goal of going to watch the F1 which is held on friday till sunday. I planned to go, but i decided that the tickets is too expensive for me to buy coz i'm saving money for something else. Goodbye F1! My favorite since i was a kid.

Hard Work

2008-09-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hard work pays off. First time its been accepted with praises and sparks of greater ideas for the main in-charge. I'm gonna prove that i'm worth the pay of 4 digit.

Assurance

2008-09-24T22:07:00.001-07:00

I'm a daughter of God. Just yesterday, i received a bad news. I wept. Today, few minutes ago, i received a good news that swept my bad news away. Praise the Lord! Every tear i cry, God keeps it in a bottle, and He assures me, that all things work out for good to those who loved Him!

State of Bliss

2008-09-23T22:08:00.001-07:00

A cup of hot chocolate keeps the cold away.

A fall

2008-09-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

First time i fell down with blood and scratches from rollerblading. It doesn't hurt on the day i fell. Now it hurts real bad. A test of my threshold for pain.

Singapore Drumfest 2008

2008-09-18T00:59:00.001-07:00

Singapore Drumfest 2008

Well, i felt so happy to be part of the team this year as i wasnt around last year due to my trip to vietnam. Anyway, i was in charge of ticketing and door sales so for both days, i was glad that i have learnt so much more from this entire event. I will blog more about this later but due to the lack of time, i will just put pictures first. Enjoy! (not all picture is here)

Lynn's Wedding

2008-09-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

Alright. I'm known for updating my blog slow and not on time. I promise myself that i will update my blog on Lynn's wedding. So here goes.

Well, this cousie of mine is my favorite. I really admire her a lot based on the her character etc. So, when i heard that she is getting married, i felt so happy for her. Haha. Anyway, throughout the entire wedding day, her mom and her dad are the busiest. Especially my aunt Lisa. She has run here and there, making sure everything is perfect and even though she has entrusted my mum, my sis and i to be at the reception handling seating arrangements and collection of the red packets, she is still not at ease and therefore, she is always at the reception counter helping out. I could basically sense her anxiousness, excitement and joy. Haha. It's contagious. Anyway, i realised that arranging for a wedding is not that easy after all. For Lynn and Rob, after getting married and with all the arrangement and stress for their wedding in Australia, they have to think about their wedding over here in Singapore. If i were them, i would make it short and sweet over here. You know the drill. Show the relatives and friends and thats it. Haha. She loves the location CHIJMES a lot therefore, she decided to held her wedding there. The place has a bit of a victorian styled type of feeling which i think is pretty cool though, unlike weddings at high-end hotels such as Fullerton or Shangri-La for instance. After that day, i realised that the most important about the wedding ceremony and celebration will never be about those who attend. It will 100% be about the bride and the groom. Period. After what had happen due to the lack of seats, i have picked up an important skills though.

At the end of the day, we went to the bride's room to say goodbye and well, i overheard the cost of the wedding dinner at CHIJMES. I thought that was the price of everything. BUT i was wrong. Mum told me in the cab on the way home that before that, they would have at least pay half of it already. Wow. So expensive. Haha. Plus, one has to consider that she gets wedding celebration at both sides. So imagine the cost. AND its in Aussie currency. So, you would have expect it to be even more expensive.

Last but not least, putting aside everything, i wish them all the best in everything they do and that their love will prosper everyday.

Here are the pics:

Creepy

2008-09-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

Alright. Yesterday, i was watching a tv series online.That series had finish airing on tv. However, the date yesterday was 10-09-2008. Just nice, the cheque written here (see the picture) that was show in my computer screen when i was watching one episode was the same date. Oh wow. The episode was screened on air in August. How creepy. And this is not the first time that it has happen to me. No. The previous time, it was the exact time from my computer clock with the analog clock in the movie. How creepy. It happens to me all the time. Same date or same time. Coincidence do occur. But so many times?

2008-09-09T01:00:00.001-07:00

Life is so fragile.

2008-09-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

What is love?

Heartfelt poem

2008-08-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

Julia wrote this poem for me when she found out what happen to my bass guitar. My dad just sold it off,making it seems invaluable but in fact, it is valuable to me in many ways. A great shout out to Julia for your care and concern and really appreciate all that she has gone for me. I thank God for her and may God bless her in everything she does.

Is it worth
is it worth the tears
you broke my heart for the umpteenth time
you, a man i still call dad

is it worth fighting for
you tore my art pieces and sold my guitar
you destroyed my world over and again

is it worth living on
you trample on everything we have
you stooped so low to keep up with your dirty gambling vice
you make the home a desperate, unwelcoming den

Every tear I cry
somebody comforts me from above
Everytime I fight
my passion for art and music strengthens
And I will choose to live
to tell a story that will bring hope to the anguished

~Copyright by Julia.

Rock On! FOP and Singfest 2008

2008-08-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Festival of Praise is on the 1st to the 3rd of August 2008. I went only on one day this year, the 1st of August. Well, this year a new band got invited to lead in the praise and worship for the entire session and they are known as the Parachute Band. I dont wanna comment much on them but anyway, they are just great.

Singfest 2008. Aug 2-3rd 2008. I went for the 2nd day. The ticket is $200 plus. I got it for free. Thank God for it. anyway, what i really like most of it is that it is outdoor. Though its crowded, but i just love loud music everywhere, but absolutely not in contained room. My favorite of the entire line up would be Pussycat Dolls but that is also my worst experience. Anyway, i was hanging out together with the church backup vocalist June and two others and before it was pussycat dolls, we decided that we want to move to the front to watch them. Indeed, the front view is great but not when you are standing behind a bunch of caucasians who doesn't seem to realise that their height is a turn off for those behind them, us asians. We talk to them nicely, but it doesn't work. Oh well. Anyway, we then try to squeeze side ways. But again, caucasians. This time, it was a woman. She is so sweaty with her tube top and amazingly, her boyfriend and his family actually brought red wine there. haha. Its fun and all but what makes me go irk is just her sweat touching my arms. The first thing i did when i reach home, is to scrub myself clean. haha. Anyway, i didn't take any photos as i didn't bring my camera. For more info, visit Singfest 08 website. haha

SMET hoodie

2008-08-01T00:51:00.000-07:00

I was just going through the net, when i saw this picture of Tara Reid with the same hoodie that i have. Hmm. I wonder how she kept hers so clean. Probably she only wear it once. haha.

Mission Trip To Tanjong Balai (4-6 July 2008)

2008-07-15T01:13:00.001-07:00

I know that i have been procrastinating in blogging this entry, so here goes.

Day 1.

checked into hotel. (there are 2 hotels-due to the size of the team). Mine was the wisma king star hotel. [but it doesn't make you feel like a king though]
the team is divided into 2 groups. 1st group to go to the church to prepare everything required for the ministry training at night. the 2nd group is to go to the beach to plan for the emerge outdoor activities for the next day.
went with the 2nd group instead as the musician team is only required to send the keyboardist and drummer only. thus, i went to the beach to have fun.
after arriving at the beach, i took time to explore the place and breathe in fresh air, which was absolutely different from Singapore.
took bus back to the church and help out with the ministry training thing. all forms of ministry had local members to teach to. Except for the musicians. The musicians just stood below the platform and hang around there. i wonder why. probably language barrier.
had dinner, and off to bed....for most of us. I hang around the lobby with the rest and listen to the testimony of a local church youth leader. Indeed, i was touched and moved by his testimony.

Day 2 (MY BIRTHDAY!)

Fun time at the beach!! I went to help out at the beach volleyball station and had great fun before they started. But due to my lack of training and months(or year) since i last played, i forgot the correct way and injured my hand. Thank God its not that painful.
Supposed to go and catch the ball before it roll to the sea, but apparently, Jaime had been snatching my 'job'.
in the end, i became a time keeper and many things happen that really make me change my mindset about leaders. Definitely.
They celebrated my birthday, was pretty touched though (but i wouldn't if Jaime meant what he said by throwing me into the sea)
It went out of schedule so the musicians quickly rush back to the hotel to get change and i just grabbed my bass guitar, changed and quickly went to meet the rest at the hotel lobby. Our lunch was quick and fast(haven't eaten so fast for so long).
The church that we went to, ain't the same as the night before. Many occurrence of power failures. before our corporate prayer (the musicians, the stage ministry team as a whole), we said that before our prayer ends, we believe for the the power to come back again. true enough, it did. God is great all the time. He is never late.
Church service went on pretty well with the emerge items but i'm pretty upset about my playing for the 1st worship. it was too loud. i took it for granted by not adjusting it again. haiz.
anyway, praise the Lord that for the alter call, the leaders step forward to be prayed for. When leaders take the first step, they actually open the doors for their members. Imagine if you believe in something and want to go for it but your leaders remain stagnant and nonchalant about it.
altogether, day 2 passes by quickly and praise be to God for everything.

Day 3

musicians, vocalist wake up the earliest to be there at another church for sound checking.
i pretty much like this church, am fully satisfied with my playing. I did a good job. [pat myself on my back]
one of the SOT members preached.
everything is basically done by the SOT peeps themselves. they did a great job.
there is nothing much to shop there, so i didn't get any souvenirs or anything if you are planning to ask me for one.
getting ready to go back to singapore, the ferry left late. i reached singapore late. reached scape late. took a cab. the cab driver had MOHAWK hairstyle. he is in his 20's. he wore a spectacle. drove Mercedes taxi. he is a gentleman. doesn't use crude words. he took shortcuts. its pretty cheap from harborfront to orchard. amazingly.

Will upload pictures soon. (signs that my procrastination hadn't been cured yet)..

Signing out.

Thoughts

2008-07-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Few minutes ago, i was researching on a psychological problem, Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe and disabling disease.(if you want to know more, do read it up on websites. Try googling it). When i was reading information about it, i thought to myself this, "what if...what if someone around me has it? what would i do?" It all voice down to what I believe in.

French mathematician, physicist and philosopher BLAISE PASCAL (1623-1662) said that "Man greatness lies in his power of thoughts". If you are having a problem such as Schizophrenia, and you dont realise it, will that make you less greater than others? Will that make you insignificant?

I realise that our thoughts can change the destiny of our lives. If we allow ourselves to be drowned with negative thoughts, obviously, we are being led by the nose and down into the river. Today, that is what happened to me. I led myself to believe that i'm being very weak by doing the things that I did, instead of standing out of the box, and discover that what I did was considered a good will to another.

Well, i always like to tell people about the story of the man who work is related to railway. The story goes like this. A man, who is an engineer of trains(assume to be a railway type of train), will always tell himself at the start of his day that when he see someone who accidentally fall into the railway track, he will save that individual. As days passed, it sipped into his subconscious mind. One day, while waiting for the train to go home after work, a boy fell down to the track and a train was approaching. Without even thinking, the man jumped down and shield the boy with his entire body directly above the boy, while the others at the railway station, they are astound, shocked and while some scream and did nothing, others called for help. However, it was too late. the train couldn't stop in time and it just went on and on. Everyone at the train station was devastated. A minute passed. The man stood up. Both the boy and himself are alright. Why is this so? Firstly, the man knew everything about trains. So he knew about the gap in between trains and the dimensions that he is allowed to maneuver with. However, all this will not work if he did not instill it in his subconcious mind. When asked about why he jumped and save the boy, he couldn't give a direct answer. It was all because of his subconscious. Consciously, day after day, whatever he told himself, that goes into his subconscious.

Our conscious mind can process 16 bits of information per second, our unconscious however can process 11 million. So, if we kept telling ourself that we are a failure, obviously, we will be. The power of thoughts.

Teen book installation

2008-07-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

Alright. After 3 day till night rushing through of my work, finally....its 8/10 done. Whew. Another thing to thank God for, is that yesterday, i'm suppose to reach scape early but due to my tiredness and laziness, i said i will reach late and bam, its really thank God that i didn't go early...there's an explosion at power building. (go read the news)

So far, my birthday is just 2 days away(according to the time now..11.51pm) and i have received/fulfilled items from my want list.

I have got a Ipod Nano silver from IML. I won in the monster design. I deserve it(so she say).

I received True Religion jeans from ________ as my birthday present.

Alright. This is the new updated want list:

Acoustic guitar
Design Books - preferably vouchers from Basheer...as much as possible!!!
Borders/Kinokuniya vouchers.
Ferrari car models
Box set of markers from art friend
Art friend vouchers
MAC makeup
Perfumes
Money
Bags
Laptop
Camera
Spectacles
Sunglasses
PSP games
CSI Box Set
Ghost Whisperer Box Set
TVB hong kong series box set
Supernatural box set
Gramophone vouchers!!!
F1 racing tickets
Tickets to watch a play

thats all for now.

My brain is like a vacuum cleaner, it sucks when i used it. --> i saw this somewhere, and i really like it a lot.

July the 5th

2008-06-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Alright. My birthday is coming (in case you didn't realise). And the date would be July the 5th. Well, many people do share the same birthday date as me (obviously!! just look at the statistics of birth count every day.) but the most important thing is, how are you gonna treasure every single moment you have in life, not only on your birthday. So, this year, i will be celebrating my birthday overseas!!! I am going for a mission trip. With my mum SOT's group. But not confirm yet until the approval of her in-charge. Anyway, lets just assume that i will be going, then i will be away!! Whee. But then again....nay. Being in a faraway island, trapped alone.....NAH! what ********. Haha...nope. Its so gonna be fun. Its EMERGE!!! Whee...

Anyway, as usual. Below is a list of my birthday WANT list. I emphasize on the WANT. (if you wish, the probability of it happening is very little. If you want it, its a demand.)

New MP3 Player (any brand...but must be one that i like)
New camera (preferably Sony)
True Religion Jeans. (its like i'm gonna start a collection soon)
Tops
$100 Voucher from CK Jeans
New perfumes (my dad threw all of mine away...crazy already)
MAC makeup
New bag
Money (tons of it)
Vouchers from Borders. (have been there quite often lately)
Box set of Copic Markers (the more the merrier)
Ferrari car models
New laptop (i had in mind what i want already)
Subscription for magazines

Hmm. I know i owe many people birthday presents. So i guess i wont be expecting much.

Surrender

2008-06-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

I hang on safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly,
Not one has fallen.
So many years i shaped each one
Reflecting my heart
Showing who i am

Now You asking me to show
What I'm holding on so tightly
Can't open my hands
Can't let go
Does it matter
Should i show You?
Can You let me go?

Surrender, Surrender
You whisper gently
You say i will be free
I know but can't You see
My dreams are me.

Say You have a plan for me
That You want the best for my life
Tell me the world has yet to see
What You can do with
One that is committed to Your calling
Now of course I know what i should do
That I can't hold on to my dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Would You take them away
Forever
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, Surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't You see
My dreams are me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes, i find it hard to trust, difficult to let others into my life. I want to be in control. I want to be in control. I want to be in control. I trust myself. I trust myse....

Let Go Let Go Let Go
Let Go Let Go
Let Go
Let...

Surrender...the hardest thing to do, but yet, the most comforting thing to do.

Happy Birthday!

2008-06-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUN!!

Love

2008-06-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

On Yilin's msn nick, she wrote, "love is like a rumor, everyone talks about it but no one truly knows". Wow. Its interesting, so i thought of penning down a post about my views on love. I wrote those poems myself, didn't edit it or gave much thoughts about it.

On Missing someone:

When i open my eyes,
I couldn't see you here.
Walking past hallways,
Emptiness is all i can feel.
Only then,
Do i realise,
The place reeks of coldness.

Even as i try my best,
To overcome,
I couldn't convince myself,
To believe that you are
No longer here.

But i guess i have to start,
Walking this lonely path of mine,
With you in my heart.
Even though we live a different life,
Our heart still beats as one.

On breakup, this is how i would feel:

Humans, or should i address
Women
Are not plants nor animals
So with your change of heart
Are we immune too?

Should i cry or laugh
To portray my mixture of feelings?
Should i make it seem like a fiction,
Or like a broken down fairy tale?

You, the man
Thought i should let you go
And let you fulfill the desires of your heart
As if i'm the cruel one here

Your happiness seems so believable
Your love makes me weak
I guess i can only say,
Breakup is the only way.

This video is for the song "First Love". My favorite song of all time.

Sun's New Song

2008-05-28T10:26:00.001-07:00

Sun's new song. I stumble upon this online. I listened to the track. I really loved it though. I can't seem to put it here.

the song. It makes me think about my circumstances....wow. Such great encouragement.

2008-05-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

This few days, i have noticing about women and sorta compared them (or should i say us) with that of the historical english and chinese type. Amazingly, i remembered this. So, to all the women out there, this is dedicated to you.

A westerner philosopher once said this

Women,
dazzling diamonds and glittering jewellery
Have won you illusory majesty
But what's left around you
Is only snobbish poison,
The odour of arrogance,
And alluring but fatal fragrance.
Women,
When you once again salute wealth,
Fail fame and extol power,
Please do not ask about the sparrow which sang to you
It has flown away...

Because it has sung itself hoarse

Its golden voice has perished
For the sake of its real,
Dignified and pure soul

When you read deeper into this poem, you will understand, how the world has progress, and how things are different as well as how things are ought not to be or supposed to be.

27 May 2008

2008-05-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning. He woke me up with his vulgarities flying up to the air and having no sense of direction.

Nonsensical.

Eyes open. Staring up into the white space of my room ceiling. Emptiness. I felt so empty, and its the morning.

Settled some admin stuff. Whew. Its pretty done.

Can't believe, i'm having a feeling of wanderlust.

Your name that i carry, doesn't make you my ______.

If only....

Today is going to be a great day.

Abigail is procrastinating. (dont breathe down my neck when you read this)

Logging off.

Strikeforce Boot Camp

2008-05-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

Strikeforce Boot Camp. The result of the winning group for the overall games is out yesterday. Boon announced that my group won! yeah! i didn't expect it. But thank God for that. We did take effort to think of the sequence and everything.

Boon shared something after he announces the results. It is about team dynamics. I guess in a percussion group like Strikeforce and even for other things that require group work, team dynamics is very important. For my group, i feel that the team dynamics is there at times, but when everyone is tired, it slackens a bit. BUT this is my opinion.

For MTT yesterday, Boon was sharing with us as usual. I really like to listen to him sharing with us about things be it about God, music etc. Everytime he shares, i feel so blessed to have him as my leader, as it always inspire me when i'm down, it encourages me to move to greater heights in everything i do when i'm doing well. Wow. I really appreciate it and am grateful to be under his leadership.

Last Day of Work

2008-05-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

Friday 23rd May 2008.

It marks the last day of my work as a relief teacher for art in Dunman Sec Sch. I couldn't help but reflect on all the things that have happen and the things that i do while i'm teaching in that school. I have learnt a lot of stuff such as friendships, cooperation etc from my students. Life is not only about receiving but it is also about giving. I hope i would have given the kids skills and expand their knowledge about art. Hopefully.

While working at this school, i dont really talk much to teachers there except for relief teachers like me, Mr Khairyl and Ms Kwek. I really thank God that Ms Kwek has been so kind and patient with me. She gave me a note and Jellybeans(from Marks and Spencer! Yes!) and truly, i'm very inspired and am glad that i have a chance to know her.

Indeed, it might have been God's will after all. I prayed for open doors and exposure and the next day, i got it. Rulan messaged me about the relief teaching thing. Then, Elroy and Angela(both relief teacher, Elroy the one whom i replaced) said that they have been praying for a new art teacher for quite a while because they couldn't find one and bam! i came. haha. Thank God for it. God is never late.

Anyway, to all my students who might be reading my blog, just wanna say a big THANK YOU for your cooperation in paying attention to my lessons, all the time you have to stay back after school on short notices and for handing in your homework and assignments on time. I wish you all the best for your future and study hard and get good grades!

Competition

2008-05-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the girls in the classes that i taught have their inter-class captain ball match. I went to see some of the rounds and indeed, i can see class spirit, the determination to win and the will to fight. However, competition such as this can have two kinds of effect. Firstly, it will strengthen the bonds between classmates and for them to learn how to cooperate between one another. On the other side, competition may brought forth effects such as isolation from fellow classmates just because he/she did not or was not able to persecute the things that they want to acheive as a class.

As for me as an individual, i love competition BUT it is always competiting against MYSELF. What do i mean by this? Well, it meant that i will try to ensure that i will win myself in everything that i do. For example, lets take into account an examination. If my history test i got an A2, i would want to win by getting an A1 the next time round. I guess this is what i would call a healthy competition. It becomes unhealthy when all you want to do is to win your friends and never admit defeat.

Sometimes, i wonder. Why do my friends want to compete so much be it in studies, financially etc.

Anything But....

2008-05-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor just now. Its for my knee pain. I know that ever since i injured myself last time and with all the straining and all that happen during my basketball training last time and with excessive running, obviously it wont get any better. Well, even about 2 years of break without excessive running, apparently my situation didn't get any better. Yesterday was the worst for me. So, i couldn't sleep. I took leave today and went to see a doctor. If i knew, i would have go earlier so Dr Michael would be there. Instead, another doctor was there. He pretty much talked with an accent. Oh well. He asked me lots of questions and i told him about the fall that i had few weeks back as it causes my knee to become swollen. He did a check by asking me to lie down and all and this they charged me for $2 on top of everything. haha. Anyway, i'm diagnosed with knee infection. How weird. However, the phrase i hated to hear was being spoken. "If the pain persist, please come back and i will send you for x-ray and you would have to go for physio". ARGH! Everytime i see a doctor for knee problem, they would say that and the pain would just persist BUT i didn't go back though. I dont want to go physio. Haiz. I went online to check the contents of the medicine and everything and i'm sorta worried about taking that medicine. probably i shouldnt even go search for it and now i have a fear of even taking my first medication but i know that it is good for me. Haiz. I would do anything but not go for physio.

When did i become a nerd?

2008-05-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

Last sunday, which was Global Day of Prayer, i acted as a nerd by using Millie's spectacles. Haha. It was fun. Nevertheless, Global Day of Prayer went on smoothly, praise the Lord for that. I thank God for the opportunity to play for such an event, and i thank God that His presence is always there to comfort and strengthen.

Strikeforce Gathering

2008-05-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was strikeforce gathering. Everything went on smoothly including the games that esther and i have prepared. Thank God for His wisdom. After watching the videos and reflecting on what Boon had said, i searched within myself thinking about my commitments to strikeforce and apparently, i realised that i aint doing enough.

The person who inspired me the most, is actually Heidi. She fell down before the gathering (i guess) and seeing her knees being bruised, my heart melt. However, when i was talking to her and playing with her, she kept pulling her skirt to cover her bruise. Probably it is to cover up the fact that she is injuired, but i admire her bravery. With bruise like hers, and as a child, most would cry, but yet, she is so brave enough to ignore and tolerate her pain and carry on watching the videos. Until now, i can't help but think about the strength that is within her and she knows it hurts, but she kept on moving on. Probably this is a reflection of us as a Christian. We fell, but yet we get up on our feet with bravery and move on. Her father (Boon), after knowing what had happen, went to her and ask if it is painful. Once again, being confident and brave, she said no. Her dad kissed her and reassured her by saying how brave she is. This is like God. God will also reassure us when we fell. He will pull us up on our feet and encourage us.

Depressed?

2008-04-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

Depression for me now, only last few minutes. I'm suffering one right now. So here's a video that describe how i feel. Its only temporary. It will be gone in .........5........4.........3........2..........1. I'm fine again. Haha. Welcome to my life where depression is nothing but a mood swing. As my name goes, "God is joy". So i will be filled with God's joy. He is a God who is full of joy, not of sorrow.

What do you go to school for?

2008-04-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

this is what they go for school for. I hope the students that i teach go to school for a better reasons than this. Haha. My all-time favorite song.

The pursuit of Cinderella or is it plain stupidity?

2008-04-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

As a child,
I have been told,
Of tales of cinderella.
Hearing of the happy ending
I would wish upon the stars,
Wanting to become just like her.

Thinking i could be like her,
Like any girl would hope,
With nothing good to show,
Only a desire
To fulfill that cinderella's wish.

I dream of cinderella,
Am on my knees,
Pleading for her glass shoe,
Waiting for a perfect moment,
Till i found my prince charming.

Probably,
There are many glass shoes in this world,
Probably,
You are a cinderella too,
Only waiting to say, "I do".

.........................................Penned by Abigail.

Disease's growing, its epidemic
I'm scared that there ain't a cure
The world believes it and i'm going crazy
I can not take it any more

Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

I'm so glad that I'll never fit in
That will never be me
Outcasts and girls with ambition
Thats what i wanna see

................taken from Pink-Stupid Girls

Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9n8QHCkPLA to watch Stupid Girls video. (if you are interested).

Guess how is this video made

2008-04-12T09:03:00.001-07:00

Its Not Where You Are From, Its Where You Are At

2008-04-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

After a hard day at work or in school, one deserves to head down to the big screen. The enjoyment of seating in a big comfy chair, eating gloriously sinful food, great graphics and music that rock your world, it feels like heaven on earth. BUT this does not happen everytime, it only happens when you get to watch a movie with contents that deserve a standing applause.

Did i just waste my money watching a movie that last two hours, or have i just spend the time wisely? I have learnt lessons from this movie, such as the quote stated in my entry title. "Its not where you are from, its where you are at". This talks a lot about ignoring your background and start from where you are. It doesn't matter the failures that you experience previously, the many shortcomings or stumbling blocks you have in your life, what matters the most, is actually picking yourself up on your feet, start from where you are, to go to where you want to be at, going for what you stand for, what you believe it. (oh sharks, a run on sentence).

Though i think the storyline is quite a typical type that suits the theme of the movie, i appreciate the time spent and would not regret it because i managed to see someone i have been wanting to see wishing that all is well with that individual. Anyway, time spent with friends will take away all sorts of stress for me, but it works differently at times too.

If you are wondering what movie i'm talking about and is sick and tired of me beating about the bush, here goes the movie poster.

Princeton University

2008-03-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, i thought about Princeton University. I always like Princeton University and amazingly, people whom i admire all came from that university. Including him.

Relief Teaching-Yay or Nay?

2008-03-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

Alright, i'm going to blog about my first week in school(though the week not over yet). I will not blog like a typical teenager when they start off their first day in school. Haha. So, this post is dedicated to my fellow readers, be it active or otherwise(hate silent readers, bleh!) even though i dont really see a need to blog about it though i have said so that i will blog about it though. Anyway, here goes. (Get ready to blow!)

In Chronological order.

Counting down....3......2......1.....

24th March 2008:

Woke up at 6am. Tired, sleepyhead, but still got out of bed. Walked to school, it was so warm in the morning. Reached school, signed in at 7am and waited for the assembly to start.
Did my lesson plan over the weekend for sec 1 class but not for sec 2 because the SOW is pretty hard to understand(not because i'm stupid, no).
First lesson of the day, is actually not a lesson at all. i have to bring the class down for their health check-up and i thought it was great. BUT surprisingly, the students had a chat with me(suppose to be the other way round right? haha) and should i say, it was a pretty crude form of introduction. They gave me a very 'good impression' of themselves. They call themselves the 2 horny girls. I shall not further elaborate what they said. Probably you can use your own form of imagination BUT please do not tell me about it. I had had enough. After this 2 periods ended, i left them sitting at the atrium, waiting for their next teacher. The feelings that i have, hmmm. What should i say, grotesque or in awe or shock? Well, its none of those. I felt normal. Haha.
Mr Khairyl, the teacher who will guide me for this week and going to class with me, helped me through the entire sec 1 and 2 classes for the first day. Whew. Which means that the 2nd lesson of the day is actually sec 1 class.
So he basically does most of the teachings BUT dont get bored out yet all you readers, because I still have to make my speech, set ground rules and expectations.

GROUND RULES WHEN YOU ARE IN MY CLASS:

Dont talk when i'm talking. If you want to let your voice be heard, raise your hand. Don't be rude.
Each individual student can only go to the toilet ONCE irregardless of the number of periods for art on that day. So, too bad for the secondary 1 students, they have 4 periods and 3 periods in a row so they better be wise and know when is urgent and when is not. No 2 students are allowed to go to the toilet together.
Any form of misconduct be it sleeping in class or other similar form of misbehavior will result in punishments.
Failure to hand in homework the first time you will have to write for me, "I will hand in my homework on time" 1000 times. Yes. Its not a typo error. a 1 and 3 zeros. No, you can't type it out. Hand-written. Second time you forget, you will hold a placard saying, "I will hand in my art homework on time" during recess time at the canteen. 3rd time, wow. You are indeed a hard nut to crack. Go straight to the principal, or see Mr Bernard.

3 Main Principles that a student would have to follow:

Details- homework or classwork must be done in neat handwriting, properly colored, every small little matter matters. Failure to comply will result in consequences that one would regret. (similar to what Mr Leow had done previously....[failure to write name on your work when handed in will result in your work being torn in front of the whole class and not getting any grade until you have submitted another piece with your name on it])
Determination- i always believe that for whatever things that you lack in life, you make it up with your determination. Same here. If you dont understand something or still dont know a specific technique taught in class, be determine to come and look for me and get me to teach you until you know it.
Diligence- being talented but not hardworking wont get you anywhere, rather, the lack of diligence will get you ugly things in life.

Therefore, i came up with the equation:

DETAILS + DETERMINATION + DILIGENCE = DESTINY

(pastor kong said that details determine your destiny, i have changed it to this)

Anyway, this equation in the work of a school system is simple. If you fail to provide all three to form destiny, you will only result in getting poor grades, detention (wow, another D) and disappointments.

It seems like im making things difficult for them, BUT i reward students. (follow through to 26 March 2008)

So, all in all, day 1 just went on smoothly with my last lesson with Mr Faizal who helped me through with it too.
In conclusion, i did not suffer any sort of fish out of water scenario, as i really hate to become a fish when God has made me in His image. (God is so great,i prayed while walking to school and everything that i prayed for come to pass).
Before i move on to the next day, while in the staff room, the form teacher of 2E actually came up to me and emphasize to me the importance of being patient with her class and how notorious they can get. Oh wow. 2E class is on wednesday. Will they kill me, or otherwise?

25th March 2008:

Didnt go to school. No lesson, and Mr Kairyl said i dont have to go for reflection time. Yeah, praise the Lord, i get to wake up late.

26th March 2008:

Got the greatest scare of the day. Mr Kairyl messaged me before assembly that since the day before he had taken 2 days MC. Oh no, so i'm sorta worried before assembly even started and when Mr Faizal came, i thought he will be with me today, but apparently, he has to prepare for his class as his lecturer from NIE is going to come and grade him. Haiz.
When to class 2E. Heart is in my mouth BUT thank God i prayed. He is there with me and i dont even feel nervous at all.
Went into the class, state my ground rules and when it comes to the one on homework, wow. You should have seen the look on their face. I didn't smile, they know that i'm serious. So they quieten down.
Went ahead with my lesson. I told them that if i dont catch anyone sleeping, all will get chocolates next week. And so they are getting it.
No chaos till now, everything is fine. Then came the foreign exchange students. 5 of them. They are pretty quiet, but because of their arrival, the class started talking. I asked them to keep quiet 3 times, and the 4th time, i said that its the last warning and they suddenly just shut up. Wow.
Gave homework, get complains as usual, BUT everything is great.
I walk out of the class feeling victorious. That is the victory that i gain when i have God with me.
Went to the staff room and watched I SHOT ANDY WARHOL. Oh my. Its a show about the woman who shot Andy Warhol. In case you dont know who Andy Warhol is, he is the one who drew campbell soup design, marilyn monroe famous art piece etc. Some big shot in the design industry, but he died. Duh. He's being shot. BUT my point in mentioning this movie is that it is one rated RA. They showed the part of printmaking done by Andy Warhol to the students, excluding all the other parts. So, curious as i am as to why the kids gets so excited when Mr Faizal mentioned Andy Warhol, i went to watch the movie using the laptop. Didnt read the review before i watch the movie, its rated RA. There's a part whereby they displayed sexual disorientated people making love and apparently, i wanted to skip that part but it just go crazy at that part, it can't be skip, stopped at that scene, the cd won't come out, and the worst thing, a teacher walked past and has in shock. Oh no. Haha. I told Mr Khairyl, and he said that i should have said, "its an artistic film". Haha. it really was. Anyway, one part that really make me think much is the manifesto of the woman who killed andy warhol. I went online and searched for it, and if you are a guy, better not read it man, its really feminist and still has been.

Argh. Too tired typing all these now. Yawns. Am working now, sorta last day at work here. Will update soon, if i ever want to talk about school if its becoming too normal.

Oh no. I just blogged like a teenager would about his/her first day at school. Shucks.

What Happen to Sara Tancredi??

2008-03-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sara Tancredi, i would say she is a woman who sacrifices for the man she loved. Then again, what happened? She was decapitated and her head was found in a box.

After chasing for 2 seasons, i came across the third one. As usual, i would jumped to the last episodes hoping for a happy ending for both Sara and Michael. Sadly, that didn't happen. Wondering why Sara was killed, i did a background search on Sarah Wayne Callies, the actress for the character Sara Tancredi.

Apparently, according to what i have found out last night, she gave birth to a daughter in July 2007, which means that while Prison Break Season 3 was still in filming, her stomach would have gone bigger and there would be in no way she can continue the show without a sub body(apparently it is not possible for Sara to become pregnant in the show.) Therefore, i assumed that the possibility of them killing her character is very high, as in the showbiz, the only way that an actor/actress can get out of a show is through killing the character. Either die, drown, or ran away, locked up etc. Then thats the end of the character.

However, i felt betrayed at the fact that they kill Sara Tancredi. I like her in the show. I think the plot is great but they just killed my favorite character. Do i still want to continue watching season 3 properly? I wonder. Today, i continue to search for the answers to this. I have to know why, have to know the truth to please and ease myself from being upset about the death of Sara.

To fellow prison break fans like me, below is an interview done which may answers/appease the queries raised. (taken from tvguide.com)

Last January, after it was announced that Sarah was pregnant, your colleague, Paul Scheuring, assured fans that he had no intention of killing off her character. What changed?
Matt Olmstead: What changed is that our initial pitch to the network was [rejected], so we had to go back to the drawing board. I remember we were sitting in the room thinking, "How do we unlock Season 3, motivation-wise?" Since we're not a procedural, we have to keep everyone moving forward. We have to evolve. And given what Michael's been through, how do you keep him going? And then it was tossed out, "What happens if Sara gets killed as an extension of what we already had planned for Season 3?" We knew that would work. But clearly it was a big conversation. And when we pitched the network, they wanted to know if there was any way we could avoid that, because everyone loved Sarah's work. But in order to make the season work, we really didn't have any other motivation for Michael. We determined that this was the right thing to do in order to really jolt the series.

Did you ever stop to consider that this might be a slap in the face to fans who had invested two years in the Michael-Sara relationship?
Olmstead: We took everything into consideration. Our initial idea was to have [Sarah/Sara appear in] the first 13 episodes, so she and Michael could have a proper goodbye. There were going to be some really emotional scenes where he tried to save her from dying, but she ultimately passed. So then we whittled it down to 11 episodes, then 10 episodes, then nine episodes, then four episodes…. Then we suggested flying to her — she was pregnant [at the time] and living in a remote part of Canada — and bringing a camera crew to her house, but that wasn't accepted. We then whittled it down to just a phone conversation, and that was turned down, too. We were really looking forward to paying off that relationship. But [when] it became evident that that wasn't going to happen, we made lemonade out of a lemon.

So, as a result, you were forced to kill her off sooner than you had planned?
Olmstead: Much sooner. We used the story to our advantage in that she was being held hostage. [Sarah] was gracious enough to let us use her image, which really helped. I totally get it, personally. She was, at the time, pregnant and living in a remote part of Canada and nesting; [she] kind of looked at the options and didn't want to go forward. No hard feelings whatsoever. The show is an ensemble. The show moves forward. There are very few untouchable actors on the show.

Wasn't Sarah under contract? Didn't she have to return?
Olmstead: That's a business-affairs question.

[At this point, 20th Century spokesperson Chris Alexander interjects: "We had to either pick her up for the entire season of 22, according to her contract, or we had to make a new contract with her. We determined in May that we didn't plan to use her for the full 22, so we chose not to renew our existing contract with her. And so, to get her back for the 13 or 14 that we wanted, we had to make a new deal, and she declined."]

What was your understanding as to why she didn't want to come back? It seems strange that she refused to return in any capacity. Doesn't it seem strange to you?
Olmstead: It looked like a pretty good deal on the face of it. We definitely came up in money. Thirteen episodes would have allowed the character to have a proper exit. We were willing to push the start date back [to accommodate her maternity leave], which would have meant her coming in [around] Episode 10, but that wasn't accepted. So then we offered to come up [to Canada] before she gave birth and film at her house. Pretty good money and she wouldn't even have to leave her house. That wasn't accepted. So it was a little curious to me and to others why she was taking such a hard stance. [Maybe] she felt that she was made certain assurances about being part of the show this season. And in fairness to her, those assurances were given, because she was such a valuable member of the show…. Also, she's up [in Canada]. She's comfortable. She's starting a family. Maybe she didn't want to have to fly down and have to do this stuff. Or maybe she felt like she wanted to be part of the show [full time], not just half the season. Perhaps she felt a little jilted. Our [original] plan was to definitely keep her for [all of] Season 3, but after a couple of times of getting it kicked back from the network, we had to come up with a new idea and that necessitated her character being killed.

Did you ever get an inkling that she wasn't happy working on the show?
Olmstead: No. I've worked in TV for 10 years. I've been around difficult actors. I've definitely been around malcontents. She was none of those. Great actress. Very smart. Good suggestions. And an asset to the show.

Sarah was recently quoted in a French magazine saying that she was "sad," "shocked" and felt "deceived" by the decision to kill off the character. Presuming this is what she actually said, does this surprise you?
Olmstead: Not really. She was invested in the character and wanted to be a part of the show. We felt the same way.

Let's discuss the way you killed her off. Some might view it as you guys exacting revenge on Sarah for not returning.
Olmstead: We really had no way of using her image other than the existing images that we had. Those Polaroids we used are old wardrobe shots from Season 1 and 2. She didn't give us any new photos. So [we had to devise a way to] kill her [and still] show a body…. Obviously she wasn't going to fly down and be a DOA for us. We just wanted to go with the most dramatic way to do it, a way that you could do it and not need the actress. Also, what it does is it helps put teeth into the antagonist of the show, the Susan character. Because a lot of times with [villains], they're constantly wagging their finger, "You better do this, you better do that or this is going to happen" and it becomes hollow after a while. So, this absolutely dramatizes that when Susan issues a cautionary to Lincoln and that goes unheeded, this is the result.

So Sarah's refusal to return essentially limited how you could kill her?
Olmstead: Yeah, basically. Could you have seen a [body] double's feet being shoved into a meat grinder? Sure. Could you see a wide shot of a female body being dumped in an ocean? Probably. But dramatically, this allowed us to get the most out of what little we had to work with…. We used her not coming back to our advantage. When the bomb finally drops for Michael — and he finds out that she has been killed — it's an unbelievable sequence between him and Lincoln. And it really lays a huge motivation on him.

Response from Sarah Wayne Callies
Although Callies declined multiple interview requests, last Friday the actress sent me the following statement via her spokesperson.

"As hard as we all tried, the Prison Break powers that be and I were unable to find a way to meet both the needs of the story and the needs of my family. We parted wishing each other well. I had a wonderful time working with the creative team and have a world of respect for all of them; they took great care of Dr. Sara. I'm also enormously grateful to the fans. They've been so gracious and supportive, and I hope they continue to enjoy the show."

Goodbye Sara.

10 Things

2008-03-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

Recently i saw the cover of a local magazine about 10 most annoying thing. I realise that i want to do my own list of 10 things as well.

10 Most Annoying/Irritating Thing that can happen to me

Facebook- countless notification on the mail(when you are waiting for an important email and you are just staring straight at your computer screen waiting for it to update and when it did, bam. Its facebook notification.- childish act of "_______ poke you" then you poke that person back. poke here poke there. Aint those active in facebook ever past that phase of life during their childhood? After poking they will move on to superpoke. Probably i should set up a group that is named, "How Facebook Irritates Me"
Excitement of others when they see a local celebrity past them by etc.- these people will go and pull my top or similar sort or shout to me, "HEY!! THAT IS __________!! ARGH!!" haha. i wonder. Why dont people get excited about seeing the wanted man so when people see him, they will call for the police with the same enthusiasm as what they would have when they see a local celeb. I will only become hysterical only when its big shots and the ONLY 1 local celebrity that i like.
Loud commuters in trains. - oh wow. how loud they seem to be able to project their voices. I can't even focus on reading my book even with ear phone plugged to my ear. like loud hailer.
When people feigned ignorance.-ever had people who tell you they dont know but actually they do? yeah. how irritating. reverse psychology.
The innumerable growth of fake products.- even when you are carrying the real thing, people will question, "is that real?" so, who suffers in the end? the consumers who paid high prices for the products, the fashion line, the designers and one whole long list of victims.
Humans like to compare, and so people would take you and compare with themselves etc.- they come to me and say, "so, what have you done during the holidays?" before i could answer, they said of how they manage to get a job in a good company and blah blah blah. When they are finally done, i have no mood to say what i'm doing. NOT because i'm worst than them, but since their head is so inflated, saying what i'm doing will just deflate it at one go and they will go find other areas of comparison. Trust me, it gets on my nerve.
Complaints.
Nagging- not just by your mum,but from friends too!!
when you want to buy something nice that you see in a store, they ain't got your size anymore.
waking up on the wrong side of bed.-no, this is no for cliche purposes. because my mattress is on the floor and so if i wake up on the wrong side of it, i will end up stepping on my own stuff.

alright. for the magazine, i think they listed how skinny celebs/models said that no matter how much they eat, they will never grow fat. I AGREE AND BELIEVE IT. one real example lives with me everyday. My sister. Oh, you should have seen the amount of food that she can consume and look at her weight. 30 plus kg. probably her BMI is way below average. Mine is average i think. The previous time was slightly lesser.

10 Most Beautiful Thing that can happen to me:

Praying to God and feeling His presence. Such joy and peace.
Being able to relax, have fun with no worries about deadlines, tight schedules of where to go, who to meet etc.
Being out there i the beach
Taking sips of magaritas at a quiet bar with friends discussing about the future, life, issues etc.
Playing with toddlers and they give you their sweet smiles which will warmth your heart.
Getting ahead of deadlines.
Watching videos upon videos, movies upon movies with lots of food and comfortable place to rest on
Fulfilling my goals or being one step closer to it
Getting the things that i want.
Receiving my pay- this is the time where most of the things that you want to get seems possible and life will feel great. haha.

10 things/people i can't live without

God-My Saviour and My King. without Him, i'm long gone.
Mum-for everything. from birth, to childhood, to teenage life, to now.
Bible- all my answers to life
Laptop- without it, i'm like a living dead. from games to videos to design, everything is in it.
Handphone
Credit card cum ezlink card- without it, how do i travel?
Wallet-my money is inside
Sketch book
Books
Music

alright. its pretty tiring and boring typing this down. Probably every one should know theirs too

*STAY TUNE FOR MY POST ON MY FIRST DAY AS A RELIEF TEACHER NEXT MONDAY.

Its My Life! Musical First Read

2008-03-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, i went for our musical first read. Wow. I am indeed amaze at the ability and talents of Tze Chien and Weng Fu in their speed in producing the script and the music respectively.

What really inspired me and touched me the most is the part whereby Conan and Glory was singing together. Kheng Hua teared, and i controlled my tears from rolling down my cheeks. Wow.

Overall, i think the best part of the entire 1st Read would be the comments given by the professionals. As yesterday's read is by invites only, it turned out that many professionals were there. They gave concrete opinions and viewpoints and ideas unlike those discussions i used to had in schools during GP lessons or in a debate. The people there articulate their points well, and i can visually imagine what they are saying and the changes that they think should be good. Such great foresight. there was this caucasian couple and i really like their opinions the most. They allow me to follow through with them what they are saying and at the same time, they have persuaded me into thinking what they said is true. Then Kheng Hua introduced us to them and all the others and wow, seating in the dance studio contains directors, journalist and people who is of great influence. The caucasian couple, the female one, she teaches in one of the arts school and she used to teach Nicole Kidman vocals!! No wonder she commented on the lifers about the technicalities of their singing. Wow.

After hearing the introduction of the people there and who they are, it is then that i realise that appearance doesn't determine who you are. You dont have to dress top to toe designer wear and yet you can be someone of great importance as compared to an individual to dress to impress and yet they have nothing much to write for their life story. This indeed is a theme that revolves around life: APPEARANCE VS REALITY. I know my literature teachers is sick and tired of us using this in the past, i think that it remains true of the existence of it. It is undeniable.

Anyway, for those who are interested to go for the First Read that is open to the public at scape, please do look at the e-vites below and sms me at 94640918.

Manga Bible

2008-03-14T02:03:00.000-07:00

I was just browsing through books at a store seeing if there is any design books of any sort which i can purchase and i stumble upon a Manga Bible. wow. And it is only for $5 only at that store due to discounts but i did not purchase it because the conditions is not good.

Now, it seems like the world is engaging us. Or maybe this is a form of commercialization? I love manga though.

For the sake of beauty

2008-03-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

For the sake of beauty, would you sacrifice your health?
For the sake of beauty, would you sacrifice your life?

There are too many things in this world that people would sacrifice for just so that they can have the 'perfect' figure, the charming eyes, the proper lips etc. BUT the price to pay for what is not real is costly.

I just read an article in TODAY paper today about General Practitioner becoming or providing cosmetic surgery service. This resulted in some cases of health defects and problems which created complains and dissatisfaction. According to the newspaper, it states that there are only 35 registered plastic surgeons here as compared to the number of GPs around.

They questioned plastic surgeons with regards to the allowance of GPs to practice cosmetic surgery and Dr Martin Huang said, "we are not saying you can't do this work, but get trained and qualified. Become a bona fide plastic surgeon.". With regards to this, i agree. One can be a jack of all trades, but i believe that in the case of health-related issue, i would never seek the advice from one who is a jack of all trades. I prefer consulting a specialist as their main study would be that of what they specialise in and thus the time spent on research, studying etc would obviously be incomparable to that of one who knows a slight bit of everything.

I went to search for some plastic surgery failure story and one story indeed touched my heart. I seriously felt that as a plastic surgeon, one should be responsible, instead of doing it for the sake of money. That is the part of the plastic surgeon. The other party responsible would be the recipient of the surgery. He/she should take the initiative to question any doubts, do their own research, seek other medical experts advice first before finally getting a plastic surgery done. This way, it would help the procedure to become more effective as well as productive while at the same time, the patient would be at ease too.

Thinking of this, it reminds me of the tv show Nip/Tuck. It is a drama about plastic surgery. There is this one episode whereby the anesthetic didn't work out and therefore though the lady is sleeping, she can actually feel the pain upon every single cut that the doctor does and as an audience, one is able to hear her cry whereas the people in the operating room seems deaf about it.

For the sake of beauty, men and women alike both sacrifice. What is the price one is willing to pay?

For this, i am persuaded not to sacrifice my health for the sake of beauty. Rather than lamenting on what i do not have, i should appreciate what God has given me and use means which would not affect my health to stay beautiful and become who i am instead of who i want to be. It takes lots of courage to practice this, because the media and the world are constantly filled with things that would easily sway or persuade one to adjust to the needs of the world, and not to the desires of your heart.

Everyone's persuasion is different. What matters is being happy, not being flaky.

Kids!!!

2008-03-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

I have been watching Ellen DeGeneres Show recently on Youtube. Its really amazing what some kids can do and i always believe in developing talents at a young age and finding out what they are good at by themselves and accepting what they can do and have confidence and great self-esteem. Below are some videos of kids that i like and so sit back, relax and be in awe and at the same time, have a good laugh at some of the funny things the kids will say!!

This boy is so funny. Ellen asked him, "Do you have any girlfriend? Are you married or anything?" He answered, "No. I'm only 5." Haha.

They dont allow embed for this one, but i really like this girl a lot. She's so talented, and she is cute. Her songs are written in 5-10 mins! Wow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZA1lFt94QM

Cute and weird collection!! Vacuum cleaner!!

A boy who thought that learning all about the presidents in america history is interesting!! wow! learning it because he wanted to! not because his parents told him to!

Distilled Water( To Drink or Not to Drink)?

2008-03-03T01:51:00.001-08:00

Water is the very basis of living and survival for human beings. Sometimes, it can be deem a of no significant value when place in comparison with things like diamonds etc. So, why am i bothering to blog about water?

These few days at work, i have been purchasing bottles of water (distilled water) from the nearest 7-11 near my workplace. 2 bottles for the price of $1.80. Not that expensive so i will always purchase it to quench my thirst rather than buying soft or sugared drinks.

However, after finishing a bottle of the water, my body has got a weird feeling. After doing a research, i realised that there are many dangers in drinking distilled water.

Before i go on listing the dangers of distilled water, i will share about what is distillation.

"Distillation is the process in which water is boiled, evaporated and the vapour condensed. Distilled water is free of dissolved minerals and, because of this, has the special property of being able to actively absorb toxic substances from the body and eliminate them."

Benefits of drinking distilled water:

Distilled water has the ability to cleanse and detoxify body system in a short period of time for one who is seeking to cleanse or detoxify.

Danger of drinking distilled water:

Will result in a rapid loss of electrolytes(which contains sodium, potassium and chloride) and trace minerals which results in deficiencies which can cause irregularities of heart beat and high blood pressure
When cooking, the use of distilled water would remove minerals and nutrients from the food therefore lowering the nutrient value of the food
When the distilled water is in contact with air, it absorbs carbon dioxide, making it more acidic and when one drinks the water, the body acidity level will increase.-->According to U.S Environmental Protection Agency
Commercial beverages that people consume are made from distilled water. Heavy consumers of such drinks would loss huge amounts of calcium, magnesium and other trace minerals in their urine and the more they lose, the greater the risk of osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, hypothyroidism, coronary artery disease,high blood pressure etc.

Therefore, the distilled water is only recommended as a way of drawing poison out of the body.

Acknowledgement:
TAKEN FROM A RESEARCH BY DR ZOLTAN P. RONA AND PAAVO AIROLA.